A letter to my son

                   A letter to my son on the occasion of Ahoi Ashtami

Dear Ansh,

Years ago, my darling, when I was pregnant and you were on the way, I started a new thing, and that was fasting on the auspicious festival of Ahoi Ashtami. Though I was advised to eat and drink something through the day, I decided to keep a ‘nirjal vrat’ for you my love. Not that it was healthy or advisable but I felt a strong urge to do something which I had never done for anyone ever. (Karwa-Chauth was different since I’d seen your dad and you were not yet born) My heart was flooding with love for the invisible life within me.

Just like any new mum-to-be, my heart was fluttering with joy at fasting for the well-being of the little life that lay kicking inside me. I decided that very day, to love you and protect you from all that is harmful. Just like a tigress fiercely protects her young one, I was all determined to be your protector and guide.

Once again, this festival is here, and it is for the 15^th time that I’ll be fasting for you. Over the years I’ve seen you blossom from a little cherub to a young adult. It’s great to see you grow but given a choice, I would love to time travel with you to the past and celebrate your childish innocence once again! Not sure whether you would want to do that though. Anyways, just as this day is approaching, a lot of thoughts are flooding my mind. Since talking to you these days is proving to be a little difficult, I thought, I might as well pen down my thoughts.

I know that life’s not really shaping the way we all would have wanted it to. You have different expectations from life, and we are still a little old school but still at the end of the day, like any doting parents, we just wish well for you.

So here are some pointers I’d like to share with you. Do take out some of your precious time to read them.

1.     Set your priorities right – I know this is quite a debatable one given that you have a different set of priorities but I still thought I should let you know, that you need to think over it again.

2.     Limit your time on your gadgets – Say whatever you want to, but you really need to cut down time on those gadgets.

3.     Spend some quality time with us – I know what you’re going to say. You’ll say that we don’t have that time for you but my dear, quality time can be anywhere, anytime. While having food, while driving, while hitting bed…..just about any time.

4.     Make more friends – As much as we would like to have you all for ourselves yet we can’t be the only people in your life forever. You’d need a set of friends on whom you can depend, those with whom you can share your secrets, those with whom you can experience something new…maybe whacky!

5.     Laugh more often – This house and our lives get brightened up with your laughter, so laugh my child, we love to have our home reverberate with your candid laughter.

6.     Have fun in life- Though this might appear a contradictory statement in light of the priority thing I wrote above yet that and this are two completely different things. Enjoy life as this time will never come again. Live every moment of it.

7.     Be true to yourself – Now this one is very important. Even though you are my baby and you’re mine in flesh and blood yet no one understands a person as much as he himself does. So, son, stay true to yourself at all times because when you think you are deceiving someone, it is actually no one but you yourself, whom you are deceiving.

8.     Love yourself – This one definitely is the most important cause if you do not love yourself you will never be able to love anyone. Accept yourself with your goodness and vices. Brace your evil with love and you will be able to transform it magically to goodness. You my love, have the power to shape your life into anything you want to and if you’ll truly love yourself then you will be proud of your architecture one day.

Looks like this is it for now. I’m sure you’ll call this nagging but believe me, it’s not. It’s just my love poured out into the form of a letter. 

I may not be the best mother but I’m trying my best.

I love you sweetheart. God bless you.

Lots of love,

Your doting maa

BULLYING

BULLYING

Your child comes back from school, you stand there waiting with a smile on your face and loving welcoming words…….you expect an equally warm response but what you get is an irritable, irascible child who is in no mood to exchange loving words with you. You feel shattered, start wondering what is it that you have done to upset your child, fret about it and eventually end up distraught!

Does this sound familiar? Could you visualise the scene or are you the one who has recently started facing this? Well, if you did, don’t think you are alone. There are countless parents who are facing this situation on a daily basis and the root cause of this could be completely different from what you are thinking.

In today’s fast paced world, the way children lead their lives, has completely transformed. We as parents give them whatever their heart desires, take them on exotic holidays, dine in expensive restaurants and are happy to assume that life is hunky dory for our child. Delve a little deeper and you might be able to figure out that your child, though superficially seems happy, is actually unhappy. Try finding out, and what unfolds, might be something you could have never imagined in your wildest dreams….your child is a victim of bullying!!!

You might not want to believe in it at first, maybe get into a state of denial. Why! My child is an academic achiever, he excels in every activity, how could he possibly get bullied? Well the sad truth is, a lot many children face this problem and it has only gone worse with the digitalization of the world.

FOUR REASONS WHY CHILDREN ARE BULLIED:

·        Being academically bright – I know many of you will gasp in disbelief at this but believe it or not, the academic achievers are more often than not, targets of bullying. Since they seem to be standing out from the crowd and get the attention of everyone, they are eyed as a potential threat by the bullies of the class. The bullies don’t want the attention to shift from them onto such children so they try to wreck the confidence of these children and quite often are successful at that.

So, if you have noticed a dramatic fall in the grades of your super achiever child, you might want to check this out.

·        Being an introvert – We all know that extroverts find life simple as they can speak up whatever they want and whenever they want. However, life for an introvert is not that easy. They mostly like to keep to themselves, and thus end up becoming socially awkward. Enter the bullies…who are on the lookout for a timid child who wouldn’t have the courage to report any wrong being done against her/him.

·        Physical appearance -Yes, my folks! This one is high on the probability chart! Haven’t we all had either a plump or an extremely skinny child in the class, someone with thick rimmed glasses, someone with a lisp or someone with an uncharacteristically different voice? Do we remember the labels they all got and were stuck with them throughout school? I, for instance can clearly recall how the plump girls would be referred to as moti bhains, the thin girls as sookhi dandi, the ones with spectacles as chasmish and so on….the list is endless.

The students poking fun at these students might consider it as harmless fun but they forget that what is fun for them is tearing someone apart. Students are unable to cope with this trauma and start having a low self-esteem which further propels bullying as they start appearing as weaklings who will not put up a fight and voila! The bullies have their crowning glory!

·        Being academically weak -While we just mentioned being academically bright as one reason, ironically, students who are academically weak or have a learning disability are often sneered at too. The moment they falter while reading a lesson in class, there’s a wave of jeers and titters. Such children are called ‘dim witted’, ‘dull’, ‘donkey’ and what not. This leaves a permanent scar on their lives.

Once we know our child is being bullied, the natural question that arises is, how can we as parents stop it. Let’s explore some ways:

1.     Assure your child that she/he is not alone in this problem and you are with her/him. Children always look up to their parents for help and this should be taken care of.

2.     Affirm that it is not their fault- Children who are bullied often start believing that somehow it is their own fault that they are being bullied. Ensure that you positively counsel your child so that he does not hold herself/himself responsible for being bullied.

3.     Teach your child ways and means in which she/he can confront the bully. You could teach your child to be firm in his replies and pretend to be unaffected. Phrases like, “You can keep saying what you feel like”, “Suit yourself”, “I really don’t care what you say” and walking away from the scene can go a long way in defusing the situation.

4.     Finally, if nothing seems to work, it is imperative on your part as a parent to bring this to the notice of the school authorities.

As mentioned earlier, bullying is becoming more rampant with the advancement in technology. What was limited to physical or verbal bullying earlier has now taken the ugly form of emotional bullying. Cyber bullying is on the rise. Children are being trolled on the internet and the situation is only going from bad to worse.

Bullying is not normal behaviour. No child, irrespective of any factor, deserves to be bullied. Bullying is totally unacceptable and there should be no irresolution or hesitation in addressing it.