To our son on his 21st birthday…

                                             

My dear boy, you have now reached the age of legal majority in India so technically you’re now a man! Can you believe that? I mean how can I ever forget those moments when you twisted and rolled inside my tummy causing bulges to move and shift like sand dunes, then the moment when I first held you in my arms; you stretched with your tiny hands and yawned with that tiny mouth making you look so adorable. That journey of ours, which began together 21 years ago, is now mostly going to be a solo trip for you as you embrace legal adulthood.

It’s been three years since you graduated from school and embarked on a new journey which made you move far away from us. You remember the countless times during the school years when we threatened to send you away to hostel because you wouldn’t live life the way we wanted? You know as much as we do, that those were just shallow threats as we could’ve never sent you away at that tender age. We wanted you more than probably you wanted us. And now that you’ve been away for quite some time, I feel so blessed that we got to be together for a good eighteen years. If one could have all that one desires, then we would love to envelop you in our arms forever, but sending you far away was a conscious decision because a bird cannot fly unless let out of its cage. We wanted you to experience life on your own and that could never have happened, had we selfishly kept you around.

Turning 21 means you’re at the threshold of the peak of youth. This decade will bring about so many novel experiences that you might just get exhausted! Graduating from college, thinking about Post Grad, the struggles of placement, the entanglement of relationships, some heartbreaks, some back stabbings, some beautiful moments, some travel experiences, some friends getting married and some still wondering what to do in life…….you’ll be seeing it all through this decade.

This will be an overwhelming phase of life. From being the child who’s constantly fawned upon and asked about his requirements, you’ll be expected to do things for others as you’re youthful and strong now. Though your opinion has always been valued, now you might also be a crucial decision maker in many ways. As children turn older, parents start relying more and more on them and you, my dear, are our backbone. However, I hope you are not assuming that you won’t have to listen to us anymore.  That stays. Ok!

We want you to soar high, not in terms of monetary success but in terms of sincere contentment of the heart. That feeling of accomplishment, once you’ve completed a task honestly and with full commitment to it, is unparalleled! Put your heart and soul into the things that matter, things that bring about positive changes in life.

Success in our human world is measured in terms of the money one is making but you, my boy, should never sacrifice your personal happiness and health and join that rat race which millions around the world are participating in. Of course, you have to live your life, and you know as well as anyone that making money is part and parcel of the deal but work only to fulfil the needs of yourself and your dependents and under no circumstances at the cost of your mental sanity. Keep that balance in place.

Start investing from the time you get your first salary even though it might just be a very tiny amount but the age old saying of ‘boond boond se hee sagar banta hai’ is absolutely true. Disciplined and consistent investments yield long-term results. You’ll be tempted to blow away all your money as that will be the first time you’ll have access to your own salary but being sensible is the key. Short term pains give long term gains.

Travel the world and gain experiences. You’ve had the privilege of traveling extensively since childhood and I’m sure you treasure those experiences so, instead of wasting your money on being sloshed every weekend (like most youngsters), plan exquisite trips across India and around the world. There is so much a person can learn from something as enjoyable as travelling.

Value the relationships you have with people around you. Be cynical but not overly assessing. Treasure those who have stayed with you through thick and thin.

If you’re lucky enough, some lovely girl will enter your life and brighten it. Appreciate her, respect her and love her with all your heart if she’s worth it but don’t let yourself be trodden upon like a doormat ever in any relationship. If you respect someone, you deserve it equally in return.

At times things will not turn out the way you wanted them to, and it might seem that nothing around you is favorable. At such times, do not succumb to the pressure. Remember not all things are under our control. Try all in your might to rectify a situation but once you’ve given your best and it still is unsolvable, slowly retract from the situation/person. Remember not to invest your time and energy in things that are irreparable. You’ve often heard Dad tell you about sunk cost fallacy. It is as applicable in other things as it is in investment.

Do not ever think that you know everything. There is much to learn from everyone around you. A seemingly insignificant person or moment might have an important life lesson to teach you. So never be assuming, arrogant and self-absorbed.  Have an open mind, not superficially but actually. Learn to appreciate the qualities others have. Complimenting people comes naturally when you have a good heart. People feel happy when they are complimented and appreciated even for tiny things which you have noticed in them. So, make an effort to notice things and tell them things you like about them. Don’t be too liberal with showering compliments also though as it then diminishes their value but do not reserve them too. Use them appropriately, as and when you genuinely feel the need. 

Finally, before wrapping up this letter, I’d like to reinforce that you mean the world to us. For others you are just another human being on this planet but for us, you are our universe. So, take care of yourself, enjoy life, stay healthy both mentally and physically. God bless you always.

                                                          

                                                          Happy 21st Birthday love <3

A life changing move!

 

The year 2024 brought about a sea change in our lives. When I say sea change, I mean it in the literal sense. My sailor husband, after having contemplated quitting the sea for quite some time, finally decided to do so in the month of July as he returned from one of his voyages. He hadn’t intended it to be his last (second or third last definitely) but then he had an epiphany and in that moment of realization, he felt it was now or never and thus started our foray into the world of semi-retirement.

Due to his flourishing sea career spanning almost three long decades, he had a plethora of shore job opportunities coming his way, but he was determined not to spend another night awake for work even if it meant bidding adieu to several tempting offers. Money was not the driving force anymore, only some intellectual stimulation and a feeling of being worthwhile and therefore, training prospective sea cadets seemed the most appropriate way of giving it back to the seafaring community.

That sorted, now the pressing question was where to spend the sunset years of our lives. Even though we had a large and beautiful apartment nestled in the loveliest residential condominium yet there was a feeling of unrest owing to the growing problem of pollution in the NCR region. This again had been on our radar for the last two years when our son graduated from school and left for college. We often discussed that there was nothing holding us back in NCR any further and we must take the plunge but finding the right place to move seemed to be a challenge.

Growing up in the hills, I have a special place for them but however much I love the hills, the thought of going bone cold in the winters was petrifying. Goa is our all-time love as we love the culture and also my sailor husband wanted to be able to be close to the sea, but then again, there was nothing for hubby dear to do there which would enable him to have peaceful nights. All those who know us well were aware of this constant dilemma which would at times take a backseat when we thought of the comfort zone in which we were living. Then again in a few days, reality would bite when smog would envelop the area and GRAP 4 would be in place.

Eventually one of our friends told us about an opening in the quaint village of Karjat in Maharasthra. Strategically located in the Western Ghats, it provided a perfect combination of hills and close proximity to the sea, along with a wonderful college to work in. Much to the shock of our friends and family, in the short span of just a week, we decided to make the big move cause if we contemplated any longer, we would definitely have chickened out.

With just one month in hand to wind up everything, catch up with our family and friends, serve our one month notice at work and mentally prepare ourselves, we had an overloaded schedule.

The concern of meeting all our friends before leaving was quickly solved as we both had our upcoming birthday, so it was the perfect opportunity to throw a party and meet them all together. So along with other things, the party planning also jumped in! With one friend providing his farmhouse as the venue and another providing a list of caterers to choose from, it wasn’t too tough to plan but since we’re not into active party hosting, it wasn’t quite a perfectly done affair. Thankfully, we’ve chosen our friends well and none of them, despite their fancy lifestyles and experience at hosting soirees, is snooty. For this, we absolutely love them!

Birthday party done, my nieces arrived from New Zealand, the very next morning. This was the first time they had come to spend a couple of days with us alone. Naturally the excitement at my end was palpable. Despite the crazy schedule, we had decided to give them ample time as it was a rare opportunity and now, knowing that we were moving to a village, it was even more important for me to make the max out of this visit of theirs. We had fun together and created some lovely memories.

Time was ticking by, and we had much left to accomplish. The biggest challenge was the task of segregation - what to discard, what to leave behind an what to take. Three separate lists and nothing going easy. It is heart wrenching to part with things you have painstakingly put together over the years, but we reminded ourselves that all these are just materialistic things and what matters most is always intangible. This was the motivating force, and we distributed things left, right and center trying to ensure they reached the right people who would appreciate their value by using them.

Being avid readers, the three of us had accumulated several books. Despite giving away bags full of books, time and again, we would somehow again end up with truckloads. It was time to yet again part with them and this time, it was almost our entire stock that we had to give away. That was the most hurtful!

Next was the search for a place to live in Karjat. Staying in Greater Noida, we were accustomed to having a real estate at every hundred meters but that was not the case in Karjat. I spent tiresome hours trying to catch hold of some agent but came up empty handed. So, I decided to explore on my own over the internet. The next challenge was to find a 3bhk. After extensive search, I found out that 3 bhk wasn’t a thing in Karjat. Most of the apartments were 1RK or 1bhk. After getting to know this, 2bhk also started to seem a luxury and so the hunt for 2bhk started. Next, I found out that modular kitchen is not a concept in Karjat. They just give you a slab/ countertop just like in the old days. Compromising over the size of the house was one thing but giving up the convenience of a proper modular kitchen was another. Eventually after much search, I found just the right society, but the problem was finding someone who had an apartment there and was looking for a prospective tenant.

With our tight timeline, going to Karjat and exploring the place ourselves was not possible. Thankfully, we were able to connect with a young energetic boy, who agreed to visit the place and act as an agent for us. My joy knew no bounds when we were finally able to get a 2bhk with a modular kitchen!

Moving from a lavish 4bhk+study to a tiny 2bhk (Mumbai size), we had to take along bare minimum. Technically, we could take almost nothing and what we could, had to be done very mindfully. My meticulous husband found, took out the floor plan of the apartment, measured everything that we were planning to take along and tried to visualize where we would place which piece of furniture. This again was a cumbersome process, but it gave us confidence that we would be able to fit in the things we were planning to take.

During this time, there was so much else also going on that it is difficult to explain and put on paper. My husband’s changed residential status, our son’s semester break visit, a quick trip to Dehradun as it was the first time in all these years that my sister and I along with our respective spouses and kids, were able to be with our parents. Even though it was just for a couple of hours, we had to do this. Then we had our very adorable cousin who flew all the way from Singapore to spend a day with us before we moved and a visit from my mother-in-law whom we wished to have home before we left.

Apart from this, the emotional weight of leaving behind some friends who never thought you would leave and the students who were so attached that one could never have imagined the extent of their sorrow until it was witnessed live on the last day at school.

Finally, the year 2025 kicked in and just a week was left for the big move!

With frosty weather outside and molten hearts inside, we loaded the truck and the following day, left for Karjat. The plan was to drive for three days and cover a distance of 1600 kms.

They say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and so our journey of precisely 994.194 miles began on the 8th of January 2025.

What life has in store, whether this decision turns out to be as desired or will it be a rotten mistake, that only time will tell. As of now, we have decided to live in the moment. Let’s take each day as it comes!