India’s 76th Independence Day

 

On the occasion of India’s 76^th Independence Day, the Prime Minister of India urged Indians to be proud of their country and celebrate the day with great gusto and excitement. There was a nationwide campaign of #HarGharTiranga and it was a sight to behold when people proudly hoisted flags on the terrace, balconies and even on their vehicles. The whole nation was immersed in festivity with celebrations taking place nationwide.

However, there was one major flaw. When people were encouraged to celebrate the day, I’m sure the vision was not hooliganism yet as usual, people interpret speeches and religious texts as per what they desire and deem fit. Just like we witness on many other occasions, the beauty of this day too was marred by jarring music being played on DJ’s in such a high decibel that it is literally against the law. The roads were plagued with rash drivers, driving at high speeds and waving the National Flag with such ferocity as if they were charging at an army of warriors, brandishing swords!

What’s ironical is that these people whose love for their country suddenly comes alive on one single day, have totally no clue as to how rich a cultural heritage of our country is, and how we need to not only conserve but also add positively to it so that we can pass on a richer legacy to the future inhabitants of this nation.

Our country has given so much to the world that if we look at those accomplishments, we will realize that we are a far superior race than we are made to believe. We do not need to ape the west as we already had all, much before they even figured it out those things.

From Yoga, meditation, plastic surgery, numbers, theorems, to the most recent and ridiculous “Turmeric Latte”, we Indians have been innovators. That of course is a completely different story that the idea of patenting never occurred to us Indians, as we believed in free sharing of knowledge rather than claiming it as ours and stamping our name over it.

A video I watched recently highlighted how Baudhayana calculated what we all know today as the ‘Pythagorus theorem’ in 800BC while Pythagorus lived in 570BC, the ‘Fibonacci Sequence’ was discovered by an Indian sage Gopala in 1135BC after whom Hemchandra studied it yet the world knows it was figured out by Italian Mathematician, Fibonacci. Aryabhata propelled the theory that the earth is round, rotates on its axis and revolves around the sun yet all the glory has gone to Copernicus. The Indus Valley civilization was far more modern than any other civilization and inspired the west to use brick-bonding for construction. Sushruta successfully performed plastic surgery at a time when the world struggled with basic medication! It is common knowledge that India gave the world ZERO and also an Indian calculated the value of ‘pie’

Strangely enough, people today have misconstrued the meaning of peace, togetherness and a sense of community. We are ready to label people as anti-communal and anti-national at the drop of a hat. What we need to focus on after 75years of Indian Independence is that we are the proud children of a great nation and must take pride in it in a way that humanizes the atmosphere of the nation and takes it to greater glory. We need not trivialize the achievements and sacrifices of our ancestors by indulging in a behaviour that troubles others and must celebrate not just one day, but every day as Independence Day and abstain from resorting to hooliganism in the name of celebration and patriotism.

Women and cooking – An eternal saga

 

Women and cooking – An eternal saga

 

 

Drenched in sweat, I emerged from the kitchen after a long-drawn cooking session. The whirling fan did little to provide me some respite. Only when I sat in front of the AC, did the cold draft from it fan my face and made me heave a sigh of relief! This is a daily routine for women, not just once or twice but thrice a day, and I am no exception to it.

Summers in India can get onto one’s nerves and who knows it better than the quintessential Indian woman! She spends hours in the front of the cooktop in the sweltering heat with no fan support, as if the fan is turned on, the flame dances and increases the cooking time further, thus leaving her with no choice but to uncomplainingly sweat it out!  It is a quiet unsaid rule in almost all households in India, that the woman of the house is responsible for the cooking. For the homemakers, the kitchen defines their lives and for the officegoers too there is no escaping.

I enjoy cooking, more than the regular food, I like experimenting with various dishes even though it means spending several hours in the kitchen. Well for some, it is indeed fun, but for most women, it is just a mundane task, which they go through reluctantly, each day of their life, for as long as they physically can. There are certain mornings when even I do not want to leave bed to prepare breakfast and certain evenings when the setting sun lures me to stay in the balcony and enjoy the view along with the cool breeze but then thought of the waiting and expectant hungry faces of my family, pushes me towards the kitchen. I can well imagine how it must be for other women who detest cooking!

Cooking is therapeutic for me. It brings a kind of peace and calm over me but what annoys me is the amount of time it takes for me to dish up interesting meals. Since cooking is a good time for thoughts to cloud my mind, a curious question popped up today. I wondered how many hours an average Indian woman spends in the kitchen. This led me to look up the internet and the results were astounding!

As per the reports, an average Indian woman spends around 14 hours a week in the kitchen which is the highest in the entire world. This of course is the average as when I look at myself, I spend about 4-5 hours a day, adding up to 28-35 hours a week!!!!!!!!! Phew!!!! Another study revealed, women spend up to 18 years of their entire life in the kitchen. Isn’t that quite a number!

With advancing time, more and more husbands are helping their wives in the kitchen, but the numbers are far from impressive. A kitchen is still considered a woman’s domain, no matter if she brings in the money too. She can hire a cook with the money she earns but even then, deciding the menu, stocking provision, supervising the cook, and serving food to the family, is still her job. The children will invariably go to their mother if they are hungry. She is the nurturer, and that role has stuck to her even if she no longer desires to don that hat!

I know so many women who do not enjoy cooking at all. They are fantastic in their professional life but terrible on the cooking front. In fact, I know several housewives who detest cooking but are forced into doing so because of societal pressure. Why should a woman be made to feel guilty if she does not like to cook? She might be good at some other thing, but cooking might not be her forte so why should she be scorned at?

Thankfully, knowing how to cook is not a pre-requisite for a prospective bride anymore. People are slowly becoming comfortable with the fact that a girl might not be knowing how to cook. In fact, some girls clarify at the very beginning of a relationship that they will never take up cooking and they stick to their guns. More and more people are accepting the fact that it is not a given that every woman must cook.

While I agree that it is not important for a woman to cook yet in my opinion, not just a woman but even men must know how to cook. Whether they choose to cook on daily basis or not is totally their choice but being able to cook imparts liberty to an individual. You are not at the mercy of someone else for food.

Covid has certainly taught this one more lesson to people apart from several others. Having a cook coming to your place is not feasible, not every food outlet practices hygiene so ordering food becomes difficult. That is the time when one can put one’s cooking skills to good use and enjoy wholesome meals without compromising safety and hygiene.

Having sailed often on ships, even though I initially enjoy getting ready made meals of the greatest variety yet after a month or so, I start craving one meal cooked by myself once a week at least. The satisfaction one gets on eating a self-cooked meal is beyond imagination!

Eventually I have realized that cooking should not be forced upon anyone. It should be a voluntary act. Not every woman has the knack for cooking, but every woman and man should know basic cooking. It will still be a very long time before people start treating cooking as a gender-neutral activity, until then, those who realize it must contribute equally and make kitchen a happier place by cooking together rather than leaving the woman of the house alone in the kitchen to cook as part of a mundane routine.

 

Womanhood and Motherhood

 

Womanhood and motherhood have been considered synonymous since times immemorial but what is a standard societal norm should not be always correct, right! Many women these days are not embracing motherhood so does that make them any less of a woman? No, not at all! Challenging stereotypes and evolving through continuous change, is what makes humankind progressive. The only thing that is constant in life is change so why not so for women?

I am a mother to a teen and believe me when I say, I do not mind it at all if my offspring tells me that she/he does not want to procreate. It is of course an individual choice but since I have chosen motherhood for myself, I thought I am competent enough to share some of my learning from this experience! So here it goes:

1.    There is no right or wrong age for becoming a mother –

You can choose to be a mother early on in life or wait till you have achieved what you want in your professional life. The thing about the biological clock ticking should not get to you as there are several ways to become a mother at whatever age one wants, and I do not need to enlist them here.

 

2.    Every woman has a different post-partum experience –

One cannot generalize a woman’s post-partum experience. It is different for each woman and honestly, I actually cannot pinpoint whether I experienced anything during my time. For some it is an extremely tough time, and they battle various physical and mental issues (albeit temporarily), for others, it is not that difficult.

 

3.    No two infants will have the same sleeping pattern-

It is futile to compare and crib about the sleeping pattern of one’s baby with another’s. No two children sleep the same way. Forget about comparing with your friend, even two babies delivered from the same womb can have majorly different sleeping patterns! While one might be an absolutely calm sleeper, the other one might be wailing most of the time and be ever reluctant to sleep. One just needs to adjust around the baby as apart from some home remedies, there is not much that you can do. By the time the babies turns 2, they seem to develop a better sleep pattern and once the child starts schooling then everything seems to fall in place.  

 

 

 

4.    Interaction can do wonders-

If you start talking to your child from the very beginning like a grown up, chances are that your child will start speaking clearly at an early age. Some indulgent parents try to do the ‘baby talk’ with the baby who does not yet know how to speak. In doing so, they unconsciously teach the baby the wrong way to speak. Talk to your baby as much as you can and ensure not to make it sound like baby talk. In fact, one can start talking to an unborn child while the baby is still inside the womb!

 

5.    Make yourself emotionally available-

While the child is growing up, she/he faces a lot many challenges. Some might be insignificant in the eyes of an adult, but they have a deep meaning for that child. Try not to be dismissive, instead, try making yourself emotionally available for your child. Sometime, a seemingly minuscule issue can be humungous if not attended to at the right time.

 

6.    Love your child but do not spoil-

All parents love their children and want to give their children the best of everything but in doing so, one needs to remember that there is a line between loving the child and spoiling the child. The tantrum and misdemeanor that seems adorable in a child will seem extremely inappropriate in an adult. Nobody wants a reckless brat as an adult! Do not laugh off your child’s misbehavior. Be gentle yet firm!

 

7.    Let your child make his subject stream selection-

A difficulty which most parents face during teenage, is deciding what to select for the child. In my opinion, one must present the child with options, backing then with facts and then let the child make her/his own decision. Of course, one can argue that the child is naïve and cannot understand what is good or bad, but I feel, imposing a subject stream is a far worse decision than letting the child choose and err. After all we all have learnt by making mistakes but those that involve others making a decision for us, always leave us resentful!

 

8.    Inculcate a strong value system-

This one is the most important for me. I feel that every other thing in life can be taken care of, but character once molded is difficult to change. It is therefore imperative that we inculcate a strong value system in our children which involves the basic tenets of life – empathy, love, sincerity, generosity, and gratitude to name a few. A child might not be an ace student at academics but will always be successful if he has his basics right.

 

9.    Do not impose your future on to the child-

You brought this child into the world not because the child wanted to come but because you wanted to have a baby, so stop treating the child as an insurance for your old age. The child has her/his own life and you will always be a part of her/his life but do not bind the child to yourself and suffocate the child with dreams and aspirations of your future. Plan your retirement yourself and do not take it for granted that your child will look after you and your needs. Be an asset to your child and never a liability, unless of course forced by some unforeseen circumstances.

 

10.  Never be a reluctant mother -

Finally, the most important thing for the last. Never ever, and I reiterate, never ever, become a reluctant mother. Embrace motherhood only when and if you are prepared for it. Do not succumb to familial and societal pressures and go for motherhood. This is a life changing decision and should not be taken under duress. A happy mother will bring up a happy child, but a reluctant mother will bring up a highly insecure and irritable child.

 

Choose and do what you want in life. If you want to have children at an early age, go ahead. If you want children at a later age, go ahead. If you want to adopt, go ahead. If you do not wish to have children at all, go ahead.

Do not let anyone or anything get to your head. Your life is yours. You are a fulfilled woman nonetheless and nobody can take away that feeling from you. Stick to your guns and enjoy this blissful journey of life!

 

Ruminations by:

Dr. Shivangi Dikshit