Marriages in India are breaking like biscuits!

Marriages in India are breaking like biscuits!

To those who have watched Netflix Original 'Indian Matchmaking', this line will seem quite familiar. Well, hate it, love it, detest it, enjoy it, say what you may, but the series 'Indian Matchmaking' does manage to stir up several emotions in one! 

This show has been taking the internet by storm and after listening to multiple references and not relating to any of them, I eventually succumbed to the temptation of watching it. Imagining it to be some fiction series, I sat down to watch it and it was only then that I realized that it was what you supposedly call a 'Reality Show'!

I'm not a fan of these reality shows at all. I mean how can one be their true self in front of a camera if its not a home video of course! So true to its name, the show is about a matchmaker from Mumbai, Sima Aunty, as she's referred to, who travels across the world searching prospective brides and grooms for her clients. Her clients are usually NRIs and also few stinking rich Indians.

The people who've been introduced in the show as looking forward to getting married are so diversely weird that you end up feeling sick at how they are! Of course, there are a few bearable ones, and one genuinely nice man, Vyasar, who's seems to be an amiable person but people like Aparna and Akshay ended up scaring the living daylights out of me! 

Aparna, for instance, thinks she's absolutely perfect in every sense and dismisses people in such a diminutive manner, that you start detesting her. Having to stay with her husband all the time is a repulsive thought for her and she feels that humour in a man is certainly not a good trait. Then go marry a machine, I’d say! Who doesn’t like some humour? What finally seals the deal is that she’s an intelligent, strong headed and independent woman but she too falls into the trap of astrology and gemstones!

Then comes the cringeworthy Akshay. His interactions with his mom and family make you feel like saying, “Be a man! Just don’t get married if you don’t want to.” His mom is going crazy as her younger son, Akshay hasn’t got married even at the RIPE age of 25!!!!!!!!!!! Can you beat that! She behaves like a maniac, blaming him for turning down proposals, thereby raising her BP levels. She has collected expensive clothes and jewelry for her daughter-in-law, who’s nowhere in sight. Even the prospect of her elder son not going ahead for a baby, is stuck because Akshay is not getting married. Such a control freak, this woman is! How can anyone not asphyxiate in such an environment?

It reminded me of an interview of Jaya Bachchan in which she said that Aishwarya is a nice daughter in law, she stays behind, keeps low-key and just listens. Think about it! You feel a daughter in law is nice if she keeps quiet. Seriously! Go get a pet for yourself. You can’t be treating girls like commodities.

Then comes another character Rupam, a very sweet woman and a devout Sikhni who’s a divorcee and a mother to a girl. Her father, turns down a proposal, just considering the fact that the prospective groom was an Indian who’d divorced his American wife. So, since there was an American woman in his life earlier, the old fella judges him basis that. What kind of racism is that? Come to think of it, her daughter’s ex-husband whom she divorced after eight years of marriage was a Sikh and the reason for the divorce was that he was an infidel! So, what makes a person from the same ethnicity any better than the other?

Over to the famous woman, Sima aunty. Her constant statements like women need to compromise, you’re a divorcee and its difficult to find a match for one, a woman entrepreneur is  a strong headed independent woman for whom finding a match is almost impossible, make you wince at the kind of thought process, people still have.

She goes around to face readers, astrologers, gemstone experts, sends her clients to life coaches, I mean just look at that! People in the 21^st century are still believing in all this? People do have a vision for the kind of life partner they would want in life but the way they’ve depicted it on the show is surely not quite tasteful. The show definitely must be serving as a big promotion for the already booming business of this woman, but it does give us a reality check as to how the mindsets of people still work in India.

For me, this show was pathetic, regressive, repulsive and portrayed Indian culture in very poor light.

The only thing I liked about the show was the appearance of endearing old couples at the beginning of every episode, sharing their stories and the one thing that I related to, was spoken by one of them, who said that, ‘There’s someone for everyone but somebody has to get them introduced.’

Isn’t that true? That somebody could be friends, cousins, colleagues, Tinder, Bumble and even our parents. Marriage is beautiful and when you come across the one, do not hesitate, just take the plunge!

 

BATTLING STRESS/ANXIETY DURING COVID TIMES....

Before I begin writing, I just want to say that I’m not a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist so whatever I write is purely based on the experience gained during the years I’ve spent on this planet.

Stress or anxiety is not something unheard of. The present situation of the world has only added to the woes of people already battling the hectic ways of life. It isn’t surprising at all that more and more people are feeling alienated and detached during this pandemic. In fact, it is quite normal for people to have strange feelings!

Now the Covid situation is not something we can control, so what can we do in such times to keep negative thoughts at bay?

Let’s try to jot down some things we can do:

Engage in a hobby-

You have often been cribbing about not getting enough time for your hobby, then what are you waiting for! Now is the time. I understand that work schedules have become more demanding than before, but we can still take out some time. Since there is no way you can go to the mall or to a friend’s place for a party, why not use this time to nurture you long lost hobby or maybe cultivate a new one!

                       

Pick up the books that have been stacked in the bookshelf since ages-

Nothing substitutes a good book. Of course, you don’t need to pick up a book to please anyone so just go for the genre that you like most. Could be an autobiography, romance, thriller or just about anything. Nobody is judging you and if someone is, why do you care? I’m sure you do have that one book which you picked up with the urge of reading but never got the time.

                                             

Try out a new recipe-

Needless to say, most of us looovvvveee eating, don’t we? Go to Youtube, search for your favourite recipe, arrange the material required and go ahead. Yeah-yeah, the leading lady of the house might yell at you for all the mess you create in the process but a bite of the divine food you cooked, might just melt down the feigned anger! But what if it doesn’t turn out good? Well, take your chance again; we all learn through trail and error. Didn’t we fall multiple times as infants before we finally learnt to walk? So no harm trying….

                                

Do some introspection-

Yeah right! None of us excel at everything and we don’t even need to. After all, if we become a complete package, what will the rest of the people on this planet do? :-D

Ok, jokes apart, there are still lot of things in us about which we need to do something. There’s always scope for improvement, isn’t it? So every night, keep your phone away, lie down in bed and introspect. Think about where all you need improvement and how will you work towards it. You will think a lot, plan a lot and the execution might not happen instantly, but don’t give up. Target every day with that challenge and sooner or later, you’ll be able to achieve that goal and work upon that flaw of yours.

                                    

Romance Nature-

It’s undeniably the most beautiful thing around us! Best part, it doesn’t accuse you of ogling at it. Look at it in an uninhibited manner and immerse yourself in its loveliness. Look at the trees, how they gracefully sway with the breeze, gaze at the evening sky and admire the brush strokes of various colours, look at the setting sun and watch the horizon gobbling it up, lend an ear to the chirping of the birds, enjoy the night sky studded with millions of stars and try to spot the ‘daag’ in the ‘chaand’. This will relax you instantly.

                                                             

Talk to people you love-

As per me, THIS is the biggest remedy of all times. The power of a simple conversation can never be undermined. Believe me, it works! However big of an introvert we are, all of us have someone, if not quite a number, with whom we can talk our heart out. Gang up with that person and just talk about everything under the sun. If its family good, if not, what are friends for? Pester them incessantly and you’ll feel great! Whatsapp and Instachats are the premium way of keeping in touch during these testing time. I do that, chat about just any random stuff and you have a smile plastered over your face the whole day through. It’s magically therapeutic. Make the best use of technology, chat up over phone. There will definitely be someone, who is ready to lend an ear to whatever you have to say, sensible or senseless, that person will never judge you.

                            

And finally, “One hug a day keeps all problems at bay!” Make sure you’re getting your daily dose of hugs.

So here, I’ve said it. Hope it helps a few.

PS: We love you, no matter how much you score in Boards!

Board results were round the corner. Every student who had appeared for the examination that year, was jittery.

"What if I don't score well?" "What if my percentage is the lowest in the neighbourhood?" "What if I don't live up to the expectations of my parents?" "What if my friends mock me?" These words were ringing aloud in the mind of Prarthna. The apple of her parents eye, born to them after years of wedlock, she had been the center of their world ever since she had entered their lives.

Pampered to the core, she had never had any cloud of doubts about herself but today, for the first time, she was uncertain of herself. 

In those days, the results were not available on the internet. One had to report to school at the given time, when the mark list would be put up on the notice board to be seen by one and all. This was the most dreaded moment as apart from seeing your own result, one could easily check the result of the others. Everyone was under the scanner. The neighbours too would shamelessly ask about your result and you could do nothing but oblige. 

With baited breath, Prarthna looked at the display board. She quickly scanned the list for her name and lo! 75%!!!!!!!! That was unbelievable! The academically bright girl had all her positive hopes shattered. She had studied hard, given her best but could have possibly gone wrong? She knew that mathematical calculations sent her into a tizzy but still she had hoped for better marks. 

The notice board area reverberated with various sounds. Celebratory, joyful, excited, angry, upset, nervous, all emotions mixed together in the air. Prarthna retreated slowly. She could not relate to anything that was happening there. She had disappeared into a world of her own thoughts. Amidst this banter, nobody realized that Prarthna had left.

Absent mindedly she walked along the snaky road which lead up to her home but instead of walking home, her feet veered into another direction, the direction of the cliffs. She couldn’t begin to imagine how her parents would react when they would get to know that their beloved daughter had failed them! Standing at the edge of the cliff, she surveyed the vast expanse of green around her. She wanted to get lost in that green, never again to face her parents.

While she was contemplating this, one little voice told her, “Go home! Your parents are waiting.” As if, breaking from her reverie, Prarthna realized what she was just about to do! She quickly walked back to her home. Her parents were pacing up and down the balcony when she spotted them. They waved cheerily at her. Her faint wry smile in return told them that something was amiss and they knew exactly what had happened.

“Wow! My daughter has got 75%! That’s a distinction percentage. I could just manage a first division in my time,” said her father. “You’ve crossed a milestone in life,” said her mother. “Let’s celebrate!!!!!” Both her parents said together.

This reaction of her parents and what she had been contemplating just a short while ago, sent a chill down her spine! How could she have even thought of taking such a drastic step? How could her parents have handled this? God! She was so insane to have even thought of committing such a gory sin! She was ever so thankful to that voice of reason which had stopped her just in the nick of time.

Is MEDIOCRITY acceptable?

Just before hitting bed last night, my 16-year old, asked me a pertinent question. He wanted to know, what are the things one should aim for in life? Now getting into a discussion with him is quite demanding, so dying to sleep, I tried to avoid the question, but he was too keen, and I eventually had to relent.

In no particular order, I told him:- Happiness, respect and love. Next, he immediately wanted to know the order these things occurred in my priority list. That I knew was the trap; and I very well knew that I was stepping into one because you say one thing, he says another, and then the conversation goes on endlessly.

Well, I told him that all these things for me are inter-related. The answer did not seem to satisfy him, and he again pressed on for the order. So, I told him, respect comes first. “How?” he wanted to know. I told him, if at the end of the day, a person is able to look into the mirror and respect oneself, then it gives that person immense happiness.

He counter questioned, “Even an evil person respects himself, then should one still aim for it?” “An evil person might live under the false impression of justifying his actions, thereby respecting himself, but he is not respected by anyone in the society,” was my reply.

Pat came another question, “Oh! So, are you now suggesting that one should seek validation from others?”

“Of course,” I replied, “We live in a civilized society wherein our actions determine whether we deserve to command respect from others or not. Therefore, notwithstanding the fact that one should be able to respect himself, external validation is also equally important.” He wasn’t quite happy with this statement of mine.

Then after some more discussion, we touched upon happiness and love.

To bring me to this part had been the very objective of starting this conversation in the first place. He knew I valued happiness and love immensely and that’s where he could play around.

Jumping in immediately, he asked, “What defines happiness?”

Wanting to play the mommy role with him, I instantly said, “The joy parents get from seeing their child succeed in life, is happiness for them.”

“Well, why should happiness depend upon success? Why can’t a person just be mediocre in life and still live happily? Is love really dependent upon success? You both (his parents-us) love me immensely and wouldn’t give up on me in life, even if I decide to lead an average life and not aim for the stars, would you?”, he asked.

As usual, I was stumped! This, has been the crux of his long standing battle with me. He always wants to advocate mediocracy and I keep telling him that he has the brains to make it big, so he must aim for it. At an age when children are preparing for various competitive exams, aiming for the best in life; my boy, is contentedly sitting, thinking that all this is just some rat race, of which he doesn’t want to be a part!

Ever since childhood, he’s never demanded anything. He does not care about his clothes, physical appearance, and does not believe in flaunting anything. I remember once, as a 6-year old, he returned from school, visibly upset. On probing, he asked me, “Why do children have to flaunt money? Don’t they understand, they have done nothing yet to have that money? It is their parents’ money, not theirs!” These words coming from a six-year old had baffled me then.

Often even now, his reasoning leaves me awestruck. He wants to know if nature created children with the ability to say, ‘No’, why then should they be expected to follow everything like a cow and not protest at all?

When I tell him that our happiness or sadness depends upon what he does in life, he stares point blank into my face and tells me, it shouldn’t! Life, he says is a zero. Plus or minus is only the way, we look at it. It is just our perspective towards life. A situation does not make us happy or sad. How we get affected by it, is how we choose to be affected by it!

As a person, I get defeated. As a mother, I do not want to admit that. Hypocrisy! I know…..

He wants to lead an austere life. He doesn’t desire the comforts and luxuries his peers do. I pick him up from school in a rickshaw, on a scooty, a Nano or a Mercedes, it does not bother him! He’s happy to wear a torn pair of shoes if he likes the comfort, even though there may be two absolutely new pairs of the best brand lying at home! That’s our boy! Puzzling to us at many times, yet adorable to the core.

As parents, we feel if mediocrity makes him happy, then so be it. But then something starts gnawing at our heart and we feel, that content though he is right now, he should not regret this later. Later, when there will be no turning back. Later, when time would be lost. Later, when it might appear too late for a fresh start……

I don’t know what the future holds for him but all we wish for is his happiness.

As for the question, “Is mediocrity acceptable?"

Well, if it does not lead him astray, then why not!