Is MEDIOCRITY acceptable?

Just before hitting bed last night, my 16-year old, asked me a pertinent question. He wanted to know, what are the things one should aim for in life? Now getting into a discussion with him is quite demanding, so dying to sleep, I tried to avoid the question, but he was too keen, and I eventually had to relent.

In no particular order, I told him:- Happiness, respect and love. Next, he immediately wanted to know the order these things occurred in my priority list. That I knew was the trap; and I very well knew that I was stepping into one because you say one thing, he says another, and then the conversation goes on endlessly.

Well, I told him that all these things for me are inter-related. The answer did not seem to satisfy him, and he again pressed on for the order. So, I told him, respect comes first. “How?” he wanted to know. I told him, if at the end of the day, a person is able to look into the mirror and respect oneself, then it gives that person immense happiness.

He counter questioned, “Even an evil person respects himself, then should one still aim for it?” “An evil person might live under the false impression of justifying his actions, thereby respecting himself, but he is not respected by anyone in the society,” was my reply.

Pat came another question, “Oh! So, are you now suggesting that one should seek validation from others?”

“Of course,” I replied, “We live in a civilized society wherein our actions determine whether we deserve to command respect from others or not. Therefore, notwithstanding the fact that one should be able to respect himself, external validation is also equally important.” He wasn’t quite happy with this statement of mine.

Then after some more discussion, we touched upon happiness and love.

To bring me to this part had been the very objective of starting this conversation in the first place. He knew I valued happiness and love immensely and that’s where he could play around.

Jumping in immediately, he asked, “What defines happiness?”

Wanting to play the mommy role with him, I instantly said, “The joy parents get from seeing their child succeed in life, is happiness for them.”

“Well, why should happiness depend upon success? Why can’t a person just be mediocre in life and still live happily? Is love really dependent upon success? You both (his parents-us) love me immensely and wouldn’t give up on me in life, even if I decide to lead an average life and not aim for the stars, would you?”, he asked.

As usual, I was stumped! This, has been the crux of his long standing battle with me. He always wants to advocate mediocracy and I keep telling him that he has the brains to make it big, so he must aim for it. At an age when children are preparing for various competitive exams, aiming for the best in life; my boy, is contentedly sitting, thinking that all this is just some rat race, of which he doesn’t want to be a part!

Ever since childhood, he’s never demanded anything. He does not care about his clothes, physical appearance, and does not believe in flaunting anything. I remember once, as a 6-year old, he returned from school, visibly upset. On probing, he asked me, “Why do children have to flaunt money? Don’t they understand, they have done nothing yet to have that money? It is their parents’ money, not theirs!” These words coming from a six-year old had baffled me then.

Often even now, his reasoning leaves me awestruck. He wants to know if nature created children with the ability to say, ‘No’, why then should they be expected to follow everything like a cow and not protest at all?

When I tell him that our happiness or sadness depends upon what he does in life, he stares point blank into my face and tells me, it shouldn’t! Life, he says is a zero. Plus or minus is only the way, we look at it. It is just our perspective towards life. A situation does not make us happy or sad. How we get affected by it, is how we choose to be affected by it!

As a person, I get defeated. As a mother, I do not want to admit that. Hypocrisy! I know…..

He wants to lead an austere life. He doesn’t desire the comforts and luxuries his peers do. I pick him up from school in a rickshaw, on a scooty, a Nano or a Mercedes, it does not bother him! He’s happy to wear a torn pair of shoes if he likes the comfort, even though there may be two absolutely new pairs of the best brand lying at home! That’s our boy! Puzzling to us at many times, yet adorable to the core.

As parents, we feel if mediocrity makes him happy, then so be it. But then something starts gnawing at our heart and we feel, that content though he is right now, he should not regret this later. Later, when there will be no turning back. Later, when time would be lost. Later, when it might appear too late for a fresh start……

I don’t know what the future holds for him but all we wish for is his happiness.

As for the question, “Is mediocrity acceptable?"

Well, if it does not lead him astray, then why not!

Sushant Singh Rajput - You have reminded us that Humans though we are yet we are not Humane!

I read somewhere once that, “Life is a journey which ought to be embraced,” but it isn’t everyday that one wakes up charged and ready to take on the day with all one’s might. There are times when even the most cheerful of people, feel low, a feeling which these days is casually termed as ‘being depressed.’

Its been two days today, since the famous, young, and extremely talented actor, Sushant Singh Rajput left for the heavenly abode. Social media has been flooded with posts of people who have suddenly woken up to the fact that depression is real. They have all turned psychologists, analysts, listeners, sympathizers, and questioners. I do not question the authenticity of their posts as this news has shaken everybody and everyone has a different approach towards it. A person, whom we do not know personally but have only been watching him on the silver screen, has the power the influence our life in such a way, that when he takes his life, he fills everyone’s life with agony. Isn’t it so strange?

That, I guess, stems from the fact that we all are humans. HUMANE……don’t think so but humans, yes. Our lives are tied to each other’s, as we all experience the same emotions – Love, happiness, gratitude, sadness, anger, jealousy, fear, insecurity and many more. So once when a person takes his life, several questions arise in mind. Which emotion could have resulted in his taking such a drastic step?

Scores of people die everyday, coz that’s the bitter truth of life. Life is evanescent. The famous poet Kabir said, ‘Paani kera budbuda, uss manus ki jaati, dekhat hee mil jayega jyon taara parbhaati.’ This doha of his, has been etched in my memory, ever since I read it in school. It means that life is like a bubble of water, just as the bubble forms and then bursts and mixes with the same water, life too fizzes out. Kabir then goes on to compare life with a star and says, that as soon as the morning light shines, the star gets hidden just like a human life which fades away with time. All of us, have to go sooner or later but when someone departs so early, it definitely breaks your heart.

Dalai Lama said, “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” Does that mean that if the purpose is lost, then the person should take her/his life? What transpires in a person’s mind before taking such a tough decision is difficult to decipher. I’m sure each person loves life and does not wish to give it up for some frivolous reason. Today after his death, people are all urging others to reach out, but do they actually want to listen or even if they pretend to listen, do they actually care?

Once a life is gone, nothing can compensate that loss. Theories, conjectures and surmises; the most prominent one being the ugly face of nepotism, of him losing out on 7 movies in the past 6 months as he wasn’t liked by the bad brigade of Bollywood which seems to rule the cinematic world. Time and again he had been sidelined by the bigwigs in Bollywood and by ‘bigwigs’ I certainly do not mean, talentwise. So, when I write this, my question is not ‘Why did you do this?’ but my question is, “Why did you not reveal the truth before ending your life? If you had decided to take yours, shouldn’t your suicide note have helped others?” The real reason has gone with you and left others to just cast aspersions.

Few more days and you will be forgotten. Today, your face is splashed across all newspapers but tomorrow you will just remain a name and who can doubt that when people forget even the living souls if they are unsuccessful, cause humans though we are yet we have lost our humanity! RIP Sushant Singh Rajput. You deserved better.

Embracing motherhood at 20!

“Why do you always stop me from doing things?”, “Why can’t I stay up late at night?”, “Why can’t I
play video games?”……These, and many more, are the questions, I’m bombarded with, day in and
day out.

Welcome to the world of motherhood!

At the age when girls are hanging around in college, going out for parties, leading a completely
carefree life; I chose motherhood. Yes, I chose to be a mother when I twenty and by the time I
turned twenty-one, I proudly announced the arrival of my little cherub.

Tiny fingers, entwined in mine, that flaky skin peeling off, that reddish fairish complexion….all made
me fall in love with my little one slowly and steadily. The first thought that comes to your mind when
you see your baby is, “How could I create a baby! A full human being…..a part of me!!!” And once
these overwhelming thoughts clear off, you start living each moment with your baby.

My son was a perfectly happy baby, playful at all times and happy to be in people’s company. Born in
a joint setup, he had the pleasure of getting abundant love from all quarters. Being the first baby at
his maternal side, he was the apple of everyone’s eyes there as well. His only crying moment would
come when he would be extremely hungry. Save that and you were spared the wrath. However, he
just wouldn’t want to sleep. And that my friends, was one big problem. Not that he would be cranky,
but just that he would be in no mood to sleep at any time of the day or night.

The day was manageable, as he would keep playing merrily, throwing his tiny hands and feet in the
air initially, graduating to sitting on the mat and playing with toys strewn all over, to walking around
the house when he was one. The only constraint if he took a rare siesta was that I had to be around
as even while sleeping, he would frequently open his eyes and if I was seen, he would smile and
sleep again instantly but if I wasn’t spotted in the periphery of his bed, all hell would break loose and
he would cry loudly.

Nights however, were nightmarish. With my hubby gone off to sea for half of the year, I would be
left alone to my own devices. Sleeplessness was taking a toll me as my son would be up almost all
night, sleeping only for about half an hour to forty-five minutes at the max and then waking up for
another two hours before that half an hour relief came to me. My father in law was a huge support
as early in the morning, I would just hand my son over to him after giving him a full feed and then
the next four hours would be spent with me being in divine sleep.

Counting a total of sleeping hours, my son would hardly sleep for about 4-6 hours in a total of 24
hours and that too in breaks! God alone knows how he managed all that energy and growth when all
studies point out to long hours of necessary sleep for infants. And since he would be up for such long
hours, he would be hungry all the time. To compensate for the extra feeding, I had to introduce top
feed every 4 hours, apart from breastfeeding him every hour. So, day and night this cycle went on
and on.

Then came his crawling stage. Lo and behold! Who on earth would like to crawl? Since I’m baby
strange due to my funny sleep pattern, I ought to be different in this sphere as well. So, at the age of
7.5 months, he got up with great difficulty, taking the help of two - thick but empty hard cover files;
and took his first five steps into this big world.

If a child chooses to straightaway graduate to walking instead of crawling, there are bound to be
difficulties. He was ecstatic that he could do something different, so he would stand up all the time,
try to walk with his wobbly knees and in due course, make a mad dash to whichever place he
decided as his target and once very close to that place, his excitement would get the better of him
and he would fall with a thud. This had to be attended to and so I would always stay on red alert and
walk right behind him in a squatting position with arms ready to clutch him in case he falls. This went on for around 2 months, until he was about 10 months old and his walk had steadied considerably.

Once he started walking, I had another challenge to face. As soon as he wanted to pee at night, he
would just get up without any warning in the dark and start walking on the bed, towards I don’t
know what! So even while sleeping, I had to be alert to spring into action and hold his hand before
he falls off the bed with eyes shut.

His no sleep requirement activities went on till he turned 2 years old and then, as if some miracle
occurred, he developed a better sleeping pattern.

Looking back at that time, I always feel that had I chosen motherhood at a later stage, I definitely
wouldn’t have been able to manage with him as I did at that time. Waking up almost round-the-
clock, staying active in whatever little sleep I could manage to walking behind him in a crouching
position so that he doesn’t fall and hit his head on the floor; this just wouldn’t have been possible for
me now.
Exhaustion sets in easily now and the knees seem to give away if I try to squat…..not that I’m very
old chronologically, but everybody’s platter is so full with various things these days that we start
feeling old at a relatively young age.

I'm now 37 and my son 16. Needless to say,  I have a different set of problems to deal with. I started my article with his usual rants and those are just a fraction of what I get to hear the whole day through. Not that he is a highly disobedient child but the effect of teenage has surely brushed upon him. He wants to play video games, read novels.....basically do whatever he wishes to, but not study!

I can only thank my stars for facing this, and all that is to come, at a comparatively younger age. It
gives me jitters to think of how I would have handled all this if I had to do so had I been in my forties.

Please note: These are entirely my personal views based on my personal experiences. I do not
intend to hurt anyone’s sentiments with this write up. There are many women around me who have
chosen motherhood at a later stage and are far better than me at their job. A big hug for all the
lovely mothers out there!

Foot note: My hubby ensured that I didn’t get bogged down by motherhood pressures and
occasionally we did go out to the disc. (benefits of staying in a joint setup) We went for a lot many
outings and carried our son along almost everywhere. So, I lived and loved life all this while.

Looking for little joys amidst lock down.....

Today is the 57th day of our self isolation and 51st day of the National Lock down......UNBELIEVABLE!

A couple of months ago, one could have never even imagined of such a life. Last October, when my husband came home from ship, he said he wished for a nice long break. Then in November, while surfing through Netflix, he came across Ali Fazal and Shriya Pilgaonkar's movie, 'House Arrest'. The movie is based on the life of a young man, who places himself willingly under house arrest, living a comfortable and satisfied life. People around him are flustered with his choice but he enjoys his home alone moments to the fullest.

The movie stirred so many happy emotions in my dear husband's mind and he declared that he too would love to live that kind of a life sometime soon.

Coming around to my son..... He's one kid who has always argued that going to school is a complete waste of time and studies can happen even if one is at home.

Finally, over to me......I am the last person in this house, to actually dream of an isolated life, however, my last job was so taxing, that I was frustrated to the T and I desperately needed a break!

Then came the Covid -19 virus and the unimaginable happened!!!!!!!

My husband was supposed to be joining ship but almost the entire world went into a lock down. The very day that my son appeared for his last Board examination, the remaining exams got postponed indefinitely and I had to resort to teaching my students from home.

So basically, not only the three of us, but also the entire world had to be confined home.
One month into the isolation and I had to resign from my job due to a Zoom app crisis.

Ultimately, here we were, both  husband & wife JOBLESS, yet NOT low spirited. People have been cribbing about how they are aching to go out, eat at restaurants, watch a movie, socialize with friends and most importantly have maids to do their work. We, on the other hand, have been making the most of this time and why shouldn't we? Isn't this a dream come true for us, albeit not in a very positive sense but I wonder, in this fast track world, how else could one have possibly gone into a house arrest???

We're cleaning, doing the dishes, cooking, baking, watching shows after shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Zee 5, digging into childhood videos of our son, sleeping to our heart's content, reading those novels for which we were not getting time and frolicking throughout the day!!!! It's like living a dream.

While people are counting days for the lock down to get over, we have kind of become addicted to this lifestyle. Now going down to the society vendor even once a week for veggies, seems to be a task. We're happily indoors, beating the heat and enjoying every moment to the fullest. No expensive restaurant dinners, no every Friday new movie, no weekend getaway, no clubbing, no holiday, just staying at home and looking for joys in the tiny little things that life has to offer.

Of course, we are privileged to be able to enjoy this time while many out there are struggling every minute but such is life and we're doing our bit by helping people in whichever way we can.
So, happy lock down to us!

Cover photo credits- Capt. Ashish Dikshit (clicked on a beautiful lock down evening)



Food cooking credits - Barring two dishes made by Capt. Sahab, your humble author would like to take the credit. 

Snip....snip....snip....Ahh! There go hubby's long hair!

Some childhood fantasies do come true and while we wait for the opportune moment all our lives, there comes a moment, during the most unexpected times, that we finally live our dream. That moment of fun for me was today, the 29th day of the official and 36th day of our self-imposed lock down. 

While most men are oblivious to the fact of styling hair differently, my husband is renowned for his hair experiments. Those who know him well, will vouch for that.From long, to curly, to straight, to even going totally bald every time he's on ship, he's one helluva person, when it comes to experimenting with his hair. 

Now coming back to the childhood fantasy I was talking about. As a 6th or 7th grader, I read a story, 'Maggie cuts her hair' from the novel, 'The Mill on the Floss'. In that story, a girl named Maggie chops her hair as an act of anger and defiance. As I read the story, I was marveled by the fact that she had actually chopped off her tresses herself!

Wanting to experience the pleasure of hearing that sound of 'snip...snip...snip' and seeing the lovely thick hair falling to the ground, today, I finally got my Guinea Pig in the form of my husband. This time round, he had long hair. He had been enjoying that look and it was only getting better as his hair grew longer over the past 2 months when we last clicked a picture but due to the increasing heat, he was getting uncomfortable with them. 

Normally by now he would've been on ship and would have shaved off his head as he does every time, but the Covid crisis has kept him home and so as per his plan too, he needed a change. 
Completely unaware of my desires, he asked me if I'd be ready to give him a haircut....and Oh Boy! How I jumped at the opportunity! 

Setting up a chair for him in the balcony for the perfect view and armed with a pair of scissors, I started my job while the cool morning breeze blew around, making me feel absolutely heavenly! The best part was a ohone call from his friend, which kept him occupied and he couldn't object to anything, while I had my share of fun. Thick wisps of hair fell down as I moved the scissors merrily in his hair. I admired my skills as I styled his hair. After all there was nothing to lose. If at all something went wrong, I could always tell him to shave off his head :-D

Fortunately, as the phone call came to an end, so did my hair cut session. When he went into the room and looked into the mirror approvingly, I was ecstatic! 
Maggie had finally cut hair....but this time, not her own!!!

NOTE: Hadn't planned to write about it and so the thought of clicking his picture before the haircut, didn't occur. The cover pic has a 2.5 months old pic (for reference) and 'during the hair cut pic', clicked today.

ZOOM APP! The threat is REAL……

At around 11:12 pm last night, I got an SMS regarding some transaction on my credit card. I just happened to notice it as I was looking at my phone at that time. Thankfully I was awake, so I was able to notice the message immediately else it would have been a problem had it been a regular day but due to this lock down, I was up that late.

As I told my husband about it, I got an alert of another transaction. We both were like, “The credit card has got hacked!!!”

Let me go back a few days....the ugly corona virus confined everybody indoors and forced the schools to shut. Every school had to look forward to ways and means to keep the classes going. Amidst this crises, Zoom app suddenly started gaining popularity and became a common platform for all meetings. It began being used widely until few days ago, multiple posts about privacy issues started surfacing. I tried to reason with the concerned people about data theft being a real threat but it was not taken into consideration and so it just went on. All this while, my husband and me were ill at ease about this and he would often ask me to put my foot down but I showed reluctance in taking it head on. 

Yesterday morning, I did put my point across once again, citing data privacy concerns. Ironically, the same data theft that I was trying to caution about, stared right into my face that same night. One after the other, unauthorized transactions started taking place.

I immediately called the bank's credit card department to block the card but due to Covid issue, my call went on unanswered for 15 minutes. Meanwhile another alert came. I was going berserk, so I decided to login to my netbanking to hotlist the card. Managed to do so but still wanted confirmation about it and also wanted to know if anymore transactions had taken place. For over 1 hour I kept calling them but the auto tape continuously kept telling that all customer care executives were busy. Majorly traumatic it was.

Meanwhile my husband uninstalled Zoom app from my laptop as we were strongly suspicious about it giving remote access to my laptop. Eventually we changed passwords for our email and banking accounts.

Today morning called up customer care again but to no avail. So then called my relationship manager who got me connected and had me sent a dispute form and confirmed that 2 more transactions had happened of which I wasn’t even aware as I had not received any alert for those. The card was confirmed as being blocked and I filled the dispute form, scanned and mailed it to the Credit Card team. Hoping for things to be sorted on that front.

My school online classes still run on Zoom but I told the Principal that I wouldn’t be using it any further. You see, I finally did put my foot down. It wasn't well received and advocacy of the application took place, but me being me, I flatly said NO means NO in this case!

So all of you who are reading this- Don’t use Zoom. Uninstall it. The transactions made were all outside India on Play Store. Best part is all of us at home use Apple phones, no android so we don’t have play store. Just hoping, this post helps prevent people from falling prey to hackers and saves you all from online data theft. Stay safe people!

Lock down diaries……..

Today is the 7^th of April 2020, day 14^th of the 21 days lock down which was imposed with the intention of curbing the spread of the deadly virus that the entire world is battling. Corona Virus, Covid-19, China/Wuhan virus……so many names but the result, just one! Disease, pain, death….this virus has definitely crippled the entire world.

Nobody knows whether after 21 days the lock down would be over or if there would be an extension. If you ask me, I’m so scared of the way this disease is spreading its tentacles everywhere, that I’m not sure whether even after the lock down is over, I’d be mentally prepared to go anywhere soon. Who would have imagined that simple things like a handshake or a hug would start appearing worrisome, or that one would frantically keep sanitizing hands all the time? Bizarre to say the least!!!

People say these are difficult times, I say they are different and difficult:

•  Difficult, because even in our wildest dreams we would never have thought of a life when the whole world would be battling a disease which can spread like wildfire. It appears to be far worse than World War 2, as even then, some people had wanted a war and that is why it happened, but here, no one wants it yet it is happening and that is the bitter truth.

•       Different because many of us are exploring that side of ours which remained hidden somewhere as we were so busy in the mundane mechanical lifestyle that we had no time to sit back and reflect. This lock down is bringing out the best and the worst in so many of us.

Some people are picking up their long lost hobbies, which is actually so good as it is giving those people a chance to channelize their energies in a positive way but what is hurting me most at this time is that some people are picking on other people and that, my dear friends is certainly not cool!

We are all independent thinkers and its quite natural that we have our own way of thinking. Each human being is entitled to have her/his own opinion about a certain issue. Two children born to the same set of parents think differently, even a coin has two sides, so why on earth would two people have the same opinion about something. To each his own. A healthy discussion or debate wherein people talk about facts and share their thoughts is something which is always welcome but resorting to foul language and criticizing someone just for the heck of it, well, that is definitely not acceptable!

I know the lock down is having serious implications for many, but then again, it’s totally up to an individual how to take this. Some people are trying to bring positivity in other people’s lives and some are collecting all the negativity and targeting others. This is the time to rise above petty politics because human life is above all this. We need to stand together, in solidarity with those who are trying their best to keep us safe. If small gestures like clapping hands or lighting lamps can bring some hope and positivism and break the depressive monotony of our essential workers then so be it. You don’t have to love your PM to do this, you just need to love humanity.

The lives of so many people are at stake, ours included. Who knows, I’m writing this article today and after a few days, weeks or months this deadly virus might have taken my life as well!

So, let us keep all our political differences aside, stand united and face this threat. Let us spread love, peace, positivity and hope.

In this moment, we all should be JUST humans bound by a single thread – HUMANITY.