Mirchi ka achaar aur bachpan ki yaad!

 

2020 has been a roller coaster ride for people all over the world. Come the 18^th of December, and I will have completed total nine months in complete lock down! No going out anywhere and not letting anyone come home. No maid, no nothing. Wherein several people made babies during this period, I made loads and loads of delectable dishes :-D Ok, bad joke! Agreed, my sense of humor is not great!

So, one month into the lock down, when I resigned from my job, I thought I’ll pick up something soon. Maybe just part time, but then slowly the idea of being a complete homemaker got the better of me and I started enjoying tiny domestic accomplishments!

Today, I conquered another unexplored territory and that was making those mouth-watering pickles which are an Indian household’s indispensable food accompaniment, and immediately I was transported back to the days of my childhood when we would drool over the assortment of pickles that Maa used to make every season.

Summers meant various varieties of Mango pickles, Aam ka achaar, Heeng ka achaar, and Aam ki meethi chutney achaar. My sis was a lover of Aam ka achaar, so Maa had to ensure pickling at least 10kg of raw mangoes so that the supply could be maintained until the following summer. How can I forget those days, when the raw mangoes would be cut and then left to dry in the sun on flimsy cotton fabric! As, the entire neighbourhood slept in the warm sunny afternoon, we children would sneak upon those drying mangoes and eat up almost half of those tangy delights, much to the horror of the ladies who would realize that they had been deprived of their labour by some wayward children. Of course, we felt bad for them, but who would give up the fun we had pilfering those knick knacks!

Then came winters, my time of the year as Maa made my favourite Laal Mirch ka achaar!!! She also made Gajar, gobhi aur Shalgam mixed pickle and not to forget the succulent Nimbu ka achaar! We would stare greedily at the jars packed with those brightly coloured things inside, dipped in mustard oil, mixed with spices, laid out in rows under the bright winter sun. Our friends would be envious of us, as our Maa made the most varieties and the tastiest pickles according to them. We used to be ecstatic as we had those jars full of ‘Neighbour’s envy, Owner’s pride.’

Being brought up in the hills, we had a certain advantage as our school used to be visible from home. We stayed on the hill right opposite to the hill on which our school was, so Maa could see the students spilling on the school road during chhutti time. As soon as she spotted us from afar, she was light up the burner for rice to be cooked and by the time we got home, changed, and sat at the dining table, we would be served steaming rice, with dal, sabzi and our respective favourite pickles! Its strange how the simplest of meals can be so magical! No one in my memory has had the ability to deliver that taste which has settled on my taste buds over the years.

This magic of mom-made pickles continued even after I got married. I was dependent upon Maa for my regular supply of pickles. I just had to say the word, and the pickles would be made. However, this suffered a setback, when Maa started spending time abroad. Whenever she would be away in winters, I would miss my favourite and this annoyed me immensely.

So, this year, with loads of time in my hand, and a burning desire to replicate my Maa’s pickles, I went ahead and made my favourite Laal Mirch ka achaar and the winter staple, Gajar Gobhi and Shalgam ka achaar.

I don’t know whether I’ll be able to do justice to the taste or not, but I surely savoured every moment of making these pickles and was overjoyed to see Maa’s reaction when I showed them to her over a video call.

Besides teaching me so many other things, 2020 has added this one too to my list!

 

Lost innocence of festivals

 

The much-awaited Festival time is here. It’s that time of the year when everything seems joyful around. In India, there’s a festival every week and so you just get tired of the non-stop thing, but personally, I find Diwali to be the most magical one! There’s so much beauty and joy around, that the entire air has a festive vibe to it! What enamours me most is that the whole world seems to be illuminated and everyone has a smile on their face.

During my childhood, Diwali break for us would just be 3 days- Chhoti Diwali, Badi Diwali and Govardhan and right after that would be our final exams, usually within a week if we were unfortunate to have Diwali in November. However, the exam stress never dampened our festive spirits and we would wake up early to finish off some studying, (of course pretend to) before we got involved in the celebrations. Then, we would go up to Mom, ask her for large needles and thread and fervidly pick up marigold flowers from the garden and make garlands with it. God knows, how many flowers we butchered in the process and how many times we pricked our fingers, but eventually, the garlands made us gloat!

This would be followed by Rangoli making and I loved to make elaborate patterns. Of course, this rangoli love set in during teenage only. Prior to that, I would make the Kumaoni Aipan and ‘Laxmi ji ke paer.’ It was a belief that if you made tiny feet on the walkway leading to the temple inside home, Laxmi ji would definitely visit the house that night. Both these activities required me to be adroit as for the feet of Laxmi, I would soak ‘red geru’ in water and make a solution for the circular base on the floor and then I would soak rice and grind it to a paste for making the feet. This was the absolute traditional and preferred way of doing it, as one could just wipe it off after a few days and make fresh ones the following year. Later, I switched to making rangolis, for which I would ask my dad to bring sawdust, then dye it is various colours, spread it on newspapers to dry and finally make rangoli patterns with it.

There was an additional benefit of Diwali. Mom ensured that every Diwali and Holi, we wore absolutely new clothes. Since it used to be terribly cold on Diwali, the usual new clothes would be her famous hand-knitted sweaters. How we loved those and sported them fashionably or we thought so, as I still lack any sense of fashion!

In Kumaon, people make Laxmi ji with sugarcane every year. They make a frame of it, dress up the deity and finish off with a clay painted face. As children, we would visit all the neighbouring houses to have a look at their Laxmi and in the process, enjoy some sweets. ‘Singhal’ a spiral shaped fried savory used to be made in every household and so the target would be to hit that house first, which had the most tasteful ‘singhal.’

Being born in a Brahmin household, we had to bear with the enormously long, never ending pooja and were not allowed to touch the crackers before the pooja got over. The initial enthusiasm with which we sat at the pooja would gradually dissipate and we would start getting grumpy as the clock ticked by and we heard the increasing sounds of crackers outside. My favourite part of the pooja was a small ‘kullhad’ filled with kheel, a piece of mithai and the coins that were kept in it, that was given to us post the pooja.

Then we would rush out and watch the entire town, glittering with lights and the beauty of the town, reflecting in the lake, which majestically stands right in the centre of the town. We weren’t much of cracker kids so barring a few of our own, we would stand outside and just gaze at the fireworks. That was the pleasure of Nainital that apart from rockets and sky fireworks, you could enjoy even a ‘charkhi or anaar’ at someone’s house on the opposite hill!

That is the memory that is still life-like and vivid in my mind.

When it comes to festivals, I have started experiencing anagapesis! What used to make me delirious earlier, I no longer enjoy. I do not intend to disparage the festival, but I get a feeling that everything has become so commercialized now, that the festivals, have lost their innocent charm!

It has all become an occasion of trying to out beat the other in terms of festival shopping, price of gifts, expensive clothing, store bought sweets and a total lack of passion!

Everywhere, there is a mad rush, people making a beeline in the malls, pathetic traffic snarls and of course to top it all, NCR experiences the most horrible time of the year, when pollution levels are at an all time peak due to stubble burning and then there are these bans on fireworks because of it.

The only thing I look forward to now, is meeting friends and family but that too is slowly diminishing, owing to the erratic schedules of people. I long for the time when the festival was simple and uncomplicated. There was just love and happiness all around. You did things because you felt like doing them, not because there was a pressing need to compete with your neighbour or do something to be able to catch up with the things people did on social media.

As they say that people move back to basics sooner or later, I hope the festivals too move back to their old charm!

 

Why I chose a Co-Educational School for my son...

 

Schooling is one of the most important aspects of a child’s life. It forms the foundation on which the building of a child’s entire life depends. No matter what goes on in life, your school will always remain in the picture, therefore one of the major challenges of parenthood is finding the right school for their child.

When we were expecting our son, one subject we discussed was about our son’s education. Both of us were prompt enough to say and agree that we wanted our son to study in a Co-Educational school. Though this is mostly the norm and there’s no big deal about it as such, but since both of us had studied in ‘All girls’ and ‘All boys’ schools respectively, we were not quite comfortable with the idea of sending our son to one such school.

Before you readers fulminate against the topic at hand here, I must clarify that there certainly isn’t anything seriously wrong with single-sex schools and I have quite enjoyed my time there yet I feel that there are some outshining advantages of co-ed schools. Owing to my first-hand schooling experience, I surely can point out some of these.

1.     When you study is a single-sex school, there is always a weird curiosity about the opposite sex. You do not know what kind of people they are, what goes on in their mind, what they do in their school and so its like enigma! You are always in that mystery zone. In a co-educational setup, you know what’s what!

 

2.     A cloud of anxiety looms large in the presence of people from the opposite sex. This is marked by hesitation and discomfort and the person is usually ill at ease whereas in a co-educational school, girls and boys do not care two bits about each other and are quite capable of completely ignoring the presence of the other.

 

3.     Simple events like an invitation from a neighbouring school for an exhibition or a play, become like a huge ‘How do I look’ event. Girls and boys behave as if this is their one and only chance at winning the attention of the other! The hype is overbearing and totally blown out of proportion. In a co-ed school, every day is such, and so the craziness is far less apparent.

 

4.     Since children are thrown together from the very beginning in a co-ed school, they understand the ground realities well and are ready to work together and also pitch against each other in a very healthy manner. No one goes on an ego trip which otherwise can be an issue if one is not attuned to these things.

 

5.     Growing up in a co-educational school, makes you understand the emotions of the opposite sex quite well, and this helps one is dealing with a lot of issues in life. Students become emotionally co-dependent and can help sort out many problems for each other.

 

6.     In a co-educational setup, you learn to mutually respect each other. There isn’t any extreme feeling and so the thought of discrimination doesn’t arise. You learn to peacefully co-habit.

 

7.     And finally, you have an exciting group of people around you for life who know you just too well and can give you fair professional advice if you’re not getting along well with your boss of the opposite sex; and even marital advise from the perspective of your spouse, thereby simplifying one’s life.

 

So even though, we had our share of uninhibited fun in our respective same-sex schools, we felt, it was important to provide our son with a different life, which started with sending him to a co-educational school. Of course, how much a child wishes to socialize with the opposite gender is still her/his prerogative but at least, the option is there!

 

 

 

Fear Psychosis - Don't let it get the better of you....

 

                                     

Corona has been talked about so much since January this year, that the very mention of this word, makes one recoil. Believe me when I say, I wouldn’t have touched this topic again, had it not been for the sudden demise of a friend’s cousin yesterday. This moved her so much that she wanted to communicate the ACTUAL reason to a large number of readers and what better medium, than writing a blog post about it.

Fear psychosis is basically accompanied with anxiety and with so much happening in the world, most of us are living in the constant fear of something untoward happening to us. This paranoia has gripped some of us so terribly that we just cannot take our mind off it. I would be lying if I said, it does not bother me. It does; in fact, so much so, that since March, I have been literally been living under lockdown.

Thanks to the fact that online deliveries have made this period a smooth sail for people like me who do not need to leave home for work. This is basically a step to minimize the chances of contracting the virus, though still not completely negating it. You never know, how and when it takes us in its grip. But what happens when and if it actually does? Should it wreck me completely or should it just be like a roadblock?

Well, now I’ll come back to the point from where I started and that was about this friend’s cousin. All of 43 years, she contracted mild fever and a sore throat and visited the doctor. As any doctor nowadays would recommend, this doc too asked her to undergo a test for Covid. She gave her sample but the next 24 hours of waiting for the test result proved fatal for her as she let fear take over her. Fear is an understatement! She pondered, reflected, contemplated….kept dwelling on the thought of being detected positive with the virus to such an extent that she had a heart attack and immediately succumbed to it.

Imagine the plight of the distraught family members; her children, who will never again see their mother, and not because she died of Covid, but ‘fear psychosis’ got the better of her!

This post, my friends is just to tell you that we are living in uncertain times and we all know that. But maintaining our sanity at this time is tremendously important. The virus is strong but not so strong, so as to drive every person who gets infected, to her/his death bed. All those who follow the news would know that the mortality rate is just about 3%, which indicates that the remaining, will be able to recover and get back to their normal lives. One should be cautious but not paranoid and when I say this, I certainly don’t intend to let loose those people who are so bored of this concept of ‘taking precautions’ that they have decided to throw caution to the wind and venture out without masks, socialize and basically disrespect every warning!

While we certainly should not get paranoid to the extent that our lives are at the mercy of our thoughts, but we should also not take this lightly. Striking a balance is the need of the hour. Those who can stay at home, please do. Those who venture out, please maintain social distance, wear masks and sanitize.

Maintain sanity and good health people. We are all together in this.

RIP Swastika (not her real name). God give your family the strength to deal with this irreparable loss.

Will he ever even love me?

Shantanu and Surilee had been married for about two months. Theirs was an arranged marriage and even though they had spoken with each other over the phone several times during their courtship period, living together was an altogether different experience.

Since they both came from diametrically opposite backgrounds, most of their nights ended up in a tiff which left Surilee crying. Not that Shantanu did anything to hurt her intentionally, but the conversation somehow always ended in upsetting her. Of course, he went around the house doing nondescript things to help her and make her feel comfortable in the new setup, but his reserved attitude did not make him an expressive man and so Surilee always wondered whether he loved her enough.

On a lazy Sunday summer afternoon, when they were relaxing after a heavy meal, Shantanu’s phone rang. He had been idly fiddling with the remote, when Surilee handed over his phone to him. Shantanu perked up on hearing the voice at the other end and spoke over the phone in an animated manner. The conversation went on for about half an hour. Surilee looked at her husband with wonder! She had never seen him chatter like this. When Shantanu finally hung up the call, she couldn’t help, but walk up curiously to ask him who it was at the other end of the line?

 Shantanu excitedly told her that it was a long-lost childhood friend, Karan. They had spent the first fifteen years of their life together in a quaint neighborhood in Shillong and had been thick as brothers. However, Karan’s dad got transferred when they were in class 10, and the family had to leave for Gujarat. The teary separation was sealed with promises of weekly letters, which slowly turned into months, then years and finally the distance and passing time took its toll and the line of communication snapped!

Karan had finally managed to trace him today after about 20 years! Shantanu could just not contain his excitement. He had called up to invite them for his wedding. It was supposed to be a grand celebration at The Oberoi Udayvilas, Udaipur.

“Destination wedding!” shrieked Surilee with joy! She was a lover of exquisite architecture and this would be a perfect opportunity to explore the mystical town of Udaipur. Staying in the matchbox size apartments of Mumbai was never really her thing. She longed for large open spaces and this would be just the perfect getaway for her. The wedding was just a week away and so she quickly set down making the preparations. Since they had recently been married, there was no dearth of expensive clothing and accessories. It didn’t take her long to figure out that she needed to pack, nothing but the very best from her trousseau. For Shantanu, she picked up a sherwani and a tuxedo for the two events. She glowed on imagining how resplendent they would look in those outfits!

Shantanu applied for a four-days leave and they boarded the flight from Mumbai to Udaipur airport. Upon arrival, they were greeted by the Oberoi staff who escorted them to the hotel in a swanky BMW car. Surilee absorbed the sights and sounds of the city, as the driver drove nonchalantly down the roads to the hotel.

Once they reached the hotel, Surilee suppressed a squeal of delight. She was embarrassed at her own reaction, but Shantanu just looked at her indulgently. They were soon greeted by Karan and his family and the love and warmth they bestowed upon the couple, made Surilee feel completely pampered. Shantanu had Karan had a lot to catch up on and so Surilee decided to just take some time to rest. She retired to her suite and boudoir. The place made her feel no less than a princess. She took a nice long shower and then slept for an hour before lunch. The evening was set for the cocktail, for which she had a stunning evening gown to match up with her husband’s tux. The arrangements, the décor, the lighting – everything was like a dream for her. They enjoyed the evening and the event wrapped up almost in the wee hours of the following day. Tired of dancing all night in those crazy high heels for hours and hours together, Surilee was so exhausted that she slept almost up to lunch time. Thereafter, there were some ceremonies which they all attended with merriment and laughter. As they ended, Surilee took Shantanu for a stroll in the magnificent gardens of the property and stayed there till the sun started setting.

It was late evening and the wedding ceremony was to start in two hours. She walked back to her room, while Shantanu went on to check whether his friend Karan the groom, needed any help. As Surilee unpacked the sherwani, she realized it had crumpled up. “Oops”, she let out a scream. She had forgotten to give it to the laundry guy. There wasn’t any time left now, so she herself had to do it. As she sat down to iron the sherwani, she got a call from her sister who wanted to know all the details about everything. Surilee soon forgot about the sherwani as she chatted on with her sister, providing all the intricate details of the event. It was only when she smelt something burning, did she break from her reverie. “Oh my God! What the hell did I do?” Surilee could not believe what she had just done! The sherwani had now a large gaping hole right on the front panel of it. She had successfully managed to burn the outfit. Tears ran down her face and she was shaking with anger at herself and fear for what she had just done.

“What have I done? What will Shantanu wear at the wedding now? I’m such an idiot, I haven’t even brought any backup outfit. Will he ever even love me?” A volley of unpleasant thoughts clouded her mind and she was howling when the doorknob moved, and Shantanu entered. Ashamed of her callous attitude, she could not gather the courage to look up at him and continued wailing. Worried, he asked her what the matter was, but she mumbled something incoherently and just pointed out in the direction of the ironing board.

Shantanu was taken aback when he saw what lay in front of him, however he recovered from his moment of shock when he saw that Surilee was almost breaking down. He walked up to her and lovingly held her in his arms. She looked up at him and through the tear-stained face, said to him, “You’ll hate me forever for this. How could I have been so stupid?” and then again let out a loud cry. Shantanu’s heart was breaking to see his wife crying like this. He cupped up her face in his palms, kissed her gently on the forehead and said, “Our life has only just started together, and we still have a long way to go. We will both make many mistakes through this journey but what we need to know is that we will always be together in whatever we do. This is no big deal. Its just a piece of clothing. I can always get another one but what I cannot bear to see is you, all teary eyed. I’ll wear my Tux again, or maybe just any other shirt. As it is, when my gorgeous wife is by my side, I’ll be invisible in whatever finery I wear, so why bother!”

Hearing this, Surilee smiled through her tears. She held him tightly for a very long time. It was in that moment that she realized how truly and deeply he loved her.

The Captivating Moon

 

                                             The Captivating Moon

What is it about the moon that is so captivating?

Is it because we have been attuned into believing that it is an ethereal object full of mysticism? 

Or do we find it naturally enchanting?

 

Looking out of my window on a moonlit night,

I can see the silver streak of moonlight gliding onto the earthly greens with all its might.

Making everything appear truly magical,

The aura of the moon is so enchanting that it bewitches me even though its purely cyclical!

 

Companion to countless people around the world,

To the lonely kid who is up studying late,

To the awkward one who cannot muster the courage to say,

To lovers sharing a beautiful moment,

To lonely souls pining for love and attachment,

To those whose loved ones have departed;

And to those, whose life is as bad as if it never even really started!

 

Coming back to its beauty as we all clearly notice,

The poets and writers have done it true justice

Such is the magnanimity of the moon,

That its grandeur can never spell doom.

Even though it does not have its own light,

Yet it has kindled that ray of hope in the hearts of so many downright!

 

For me, it connects me to my love faraway at sea

Even though the time zone might differ

Yet I believe he will always look at it with glee

For I look at it here and give it a coy smile

Imagining it going all the way to whisper to my man

How much it means to me that he is mine!

‘Virah’…….from Bandish Bandits!

Meri sakhi me ang ang aaj rang dar du

Meri sakhi me ang ang aaj rang dar du

Apne ji se prem rang kaise main utar du
Oo meri sakhi
Tere bina kahi bhi na vyakul man lage….
bin har sur taal saaje aaj tere aage

Nainan ko chain nahi rayn rayn jaage…
Ek pal me toot jaye saj ke ye thage
Tu jo mu phere sakhi de hain praan tyaage
Pal pal tu dekh mujhe zindgi guzaar du

Ooo meri sakhi me ang ang aaj rang dar du
Apne ji se prem rang kaise main utar du
Ooo meri sakhi

Teri sakhi teri sakhi teri sakhi
Ooo meri sakhi

(Music credits- Shankar Ehsaan Loy)

Virah…..the ‘Bhaav’ that caught my attention from the latest web series, Bandish Bandits, speaks volumes about the hypocrisy of the world we live in.

Though the story has this element as just one subtle part of the entire weave, yet this is what affected me the most. The system in India as we know it, is not just divided on the basis of economic disparity but also on the basis of castes and sub castes.

Every country has its own limitations and reservations when it comes to the union of two people but in India, there is an extremely complex game at play.

‘Maan’ – ‘Pratishtha’- ‘Samman’… These are the big words which are mouthed by the elders in the family in front of the children when they become of marriageable age. In India, children are brought up into believing that parents are akin to God and their decision must be final. Any child who dares to go against the will of parents, shall be subjected to expulsion from the household, not be allowed to carry the family name forward and in extreme cases, may also become victims of honour killing!

Sounds extreme, isn’t it?

“Oh! These things don’t exist these days.” “You must be talking of some old era.” “How can youngsters be penalized for making their own choices?” “It’s completely illegal!” This is what a large number of you would say.

Yeah of course, we live in big towns. Most of us have not seen such things but I’m not talking of some by gone era. Move just a few kilometres from the glitzy world of metros, into the smaller towns and villages, and you will find this happening everywhere; and we all very well know, that India is not just a few metro cities! The pulse of India lies in the large expanse of its villages.

I would say, all these big words like, ‘Maan, Pratishtha and Samman’ boil down to just one small three letter word and that word is EGO.

The size of the word is small but the weight it carries is immense!

In the show, ‘Bandish Bandits’, the patriarch has been shown to have a massive ego and despite committing gruesome crimes like abandonment and forceful/tactful separation, he is still revered by his family members. The devotion and dedication shown by the family members is such that it shakes you completely.

Panditji, the character played by Naseeruddin Shah, willfully leaves behind his wife and son in another town, and conveniently marries another woman and has two sons with her. Since he is a classical music prodigy, his first wife sends their son to be trained by him. Despite never getting the affection of his father and recognition as his son, the boy stays around for ten years showing utmost devotion to his father. Ego is at play for he never showers him with any love and treats him just as every other student.

Next, he is defeated in the most coveted music competition by a very young girl. To boost his ego, he devises a sinister plan and gets that girl married to his second son, even though he is informed well in time that the girl is madly in love with his first son. He does so because he knows that the first son would never let her quit music which was her dream, but his own ego was above everything. The first thing he commands the new bride to do was to give up her singing. The girl does so out of respect and the first son obviously heart broken, but still respectful of his father, leaves quietly.  

Not a word is said about anything and the family lives together, worshipping the patriarch and abiding by every rule and decision he makes.

This unquestionable reverence is what was quite disturbing for me. One can’t just command respect due to being in a certain position, it should be earned!

When it comes to children making their marital choices, Indian parents bring out their Ego in its strongest form.

I do understand that parents have wider knowledge and experience and at times they are right as they wish to protect their children. They could be analyzing situations keeping the happiness, comfort, and well-being of their children but many a times, their disapproval is just propelled by their inflated ego. That is detrimental, not only to the well-being of the child in question but also to the society at large as it sends across a very wrong signal.

What parents fail to understand is that they should counsel, advise and reason out with their children but not become obstacles in their life. Their love, devotion and respect towards their parents should not be used as a weapon for taking away their happiness.

So many couples have had to part ways due to this and have ended up suffering and pining for their lost love. This forcefully imposed decision does not just spoil the lives of those two lovers but also deadens the lives of the ones whom they get married to as they’re never able to overcome their feelings for their separated lovers. 

Thankfully, the urban scenario has changed quite a bit over the last decade. I can see that parents in cities are becoming flexible and accepting the choices and decisions of their children but still in many families, this system exists and is in no mood to die down.

The show ‘Bandish Bandits’ captures this system in a fantastic way. The youngest in the family, a twenty-one- year old young man, is also bound by shackles this so called ‘respect’. Thankfully, the patriarch realizes his folly after 26 long years and refrains from committing any further crimes against humanity, but it is a tad bit too late.

Meticulously made, with superb acting from the characters, the show is an absolute masterpiece! The Classical music renditions add to the charm of the show and the thumri – Virah is a heart stealer. The only thing you are left wishing is that the two lovers hadn’t been separated and wouldn’t have had to experience the bhaav, Virah.

Stalking is totally not cool!

Stalking is totally not cool!

A teenaged girl, going through her daily routines of school and tuition feels that she is being watched. She dismisses it as just another thought but then starts feeling uneasy daily. This is not just a momentary feeling, it stays with her every day when she steps out for school. Who could it be? She starts dreading her moments alone, feeling the presence of someone continuously shadowing her movements. Her family is unaware; she is petrified to disclose. Who knows they might just judge her for having done something wrong herself! So, she stays quiet, choking on fear day and night.

Sounds familiar? You bet! This is a common scene and almost every teenaged girl has faced this in some form or the other. Yeah yeah, some of you might justify that attention from the opposite sex is natural and is no big deal, but stalking! Well, that certainly is not cool!

All movies and shows depict some guy going gaga over a girl. That is the kind of stuff that people like to watch. Innocent feelings, laws of attraction, boy sees girl, falls for her, wants to talk to her, manages to do so, they fall in love slowly and then its happily every after.

And then on the other side, we have the stalker variety. Oh boy! They are the ones who truly are a menace!

Pretending to be love-struck, they surely have misplaced beliefs about what love actually is. For starters, it certainly isn’t about stalking the one you like. Admiring is totally a different game, but stalking does not qualify as admiring. The moment you add ill-ease to the life of the other person, it cannot be classified as love. A person who loves another will ensure the safety of the one, instead of being a threat to her.

Newspapers often have reports of stalkers attacking their so-called love because she did not give in to his advances. Isn’t that sick! Love is all about giving, not expecting anything in return. If you love someone, express…..in case the person requites your love, great! If not, then you need to keep looking. You can’t crush the happiness of someone because that person could not be yours.

Television and movies somehow glorify stalkers and showcase stalking as being perfectly normal. Men are seeing trying to woo their lady love by being present everywhere and disrupting her normal schedule. They embarrass her, trouble her, follow her everywhere and we, the audience, seem to enjoy it! Hell! We even side by the man and wish he gets his lady love soon. But is that justified? By enjoying such movies, we are in a way promoting this behaviour as being socially acceptable. We understand the fallacy, only when someone we know, becomes a victim of this untoward behaviour.

Men must understand that such behaviour is not acceptable. There are many other ways to win the love of your life. Try the better ones, be the better man. Be a lover, not a stalker!

Marriages in India are breaking like biscuits!

Marriages in India are breaking like biscuits!

To those who have watched Netflix Original 'Indian Matchmaking', this line will seem quite familiar. Well, hate it, love it, detest it, enjoy it, say what you may, but the series 'Indian Matchmaking' does manage to stir up several emotions in one! 

This show has been taking the internet by storm and after listening to multiple references and not relating to any of them, I eventually succumbed to the temptation of watching it. Imagining it to be some fiction series, I sat down to watch it and it was only then that I realized that it was what you supposedly call a 'Reality Show'!

I'm not a fan of these reality shows at all. I mean how can one be their true self in front of a camera if its not a home video of course! So true to its name, the show is about a matchmaker from Mumbai, Sima Aunty, as she's referred to, who travels across the world searching prospective brides and grooms for her clients. Her clients are usually NRIs and also few stinking rich Indians.

The people who've been introduced in the show as looking forward to getting married are so diversely weird that you end up feeling sick at how they are! Of course, there are a few bearable ones, and one genuinely nice man, Vyasar, who's seems to be an amiable person but people like Aparna and Akshay ended up scaring the living daylights out of me! 

Aparna, for instance, thinks she's absolutely perfect in every sense and dismisses people in such a diminutive manner, that you start detesting her. Having to stay with her husband all the time is a repulsive thought for her and she feels that humour in a man is certainly not a good trait. Then go marry a machine, I’d say! Who doesn’t like some humour? What finally seals the deal is that she’s an intelligent, strong headed and independent woman but she too falls into the trap of astrology and gemstones!

Then comes the cringeworthy Akshay. His interactions with his mom and family make you feel like saying, “Be a man! Just don’t get married if you don’t want to.” His mom is going crazy as her younger son, Akshay hasn’t got married even at the RIPE age of 25!!!!!!!!!!! Can you beat that! She behaves like a maniac, blaming him for turning down proposals, thereby raising her BP levels. She has collected expensive clothes and jewelry for her daughter-in-law, who’s nowhere in sight. Even the prospect of her elder son not going ahead for a baby, is stuck because Akshay is not getting married. Such a control freak, this woman is! How can anyone not asphyxiate in such an environment?

It reminded me of an interview of Jaya Bachchan in which she said that Aishwarya is a nice daughter in law, she stays behind, keeps low-key and just listens. Think about it! You feel a daughter in law is nice if she keeps quiet. Seriously! Go get a pet for yourself. You can’t be treating girls like commodities.

Then comes another character Rupam, a very sweet woman and a devout Sikhni who’s a divorcee and a mother to a girl. Her father, turns down a proposal, just considering the fact that the prospective groom was an Indian who’d divorced his American wife. So, since there was an American woman in his life earlier, the old fella judges him basis that. What kind of racism is that? Come to think of it, her daughter’s ex-husband whom she divorced after eight years of marriage was a Sikh and the reason for the divorce was that he was an infidel! So, what makes a person from the same ethnicity any better than the other?

Over to the famous woman, Sima aunty. Her constant statements like women need to compromise, you’re a divorcee and its difficult to find a match for one, a woman entrepreneur is  a strong headed independent woman for whom finding a match is almost impossible, make you wince at the kind of thought process, people still have.

She goes around to face readers, astrologers, gemstone experts, sends her clients to life coaches, I mean just look at that! People in the 21^st century are still believing in all this? People do have a vision for the kind of life partner they would want in life but the way they’ve depicted it on the show is surely not quite tasteful. The show definitely must be serving as a big promotion for the already booming business of this woman, but it does give us a reality check as to how the mindsets of people still work in India.

For me, this show was pathetic, regressive, repulsive and portrayed Indian culture in very poor light.

The only thing I liked about the show was the appearance of endearing old couples at the beginning of every episode, sharing their stories and the one thing that I related to, was spoken by one of them, who said that, ‘There’s someone for everyone but somebody has to get them introduced.’

Isn’t that true? That somebody could be friends, cousins, colleagues, Tinder, Bumble and even our parents. Marriage is beautiful and when you come across the one, do not hesitate, just take the plunge!

 

BATTLING STRESS/ANXIETY DURING COVID TIMES....

Before I begin writing, I just want to say that I’m not a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist so whatever I write is purely based on the experience gained during the years I’ve spent on this planet.

Stress or anxiety is not something unheard of. The present situation of the world has only added to the woes of people already battling the hectic ways of life. It isn’t surprising at all that more and more people are feeling alienated and detached during this pandemic. In fact, it is quite normal for people to have strange feelings!

Now the Covid situation is not something we can control, so what can we do in such times to keep negative thoughts at bay?

Let’s try to jot down some things we can do:

Engage in a hobby-

You have often been cribbing about not getting enough time for your hobby, then what are you waiting for! Now is the time. I understand that work schedules have become more demanding than before, but we can still take out some time. Since there is no way you can go to the mall or to a friend’s place for a party, why not use this time to nurture you long lost hobby or maybe cultivate a new one!

                       

Pick up the books that have been stacked in the bookshelf since ages-

Nothing substitutes a good book. Of course, you don’t need to pick up a book to please anyone so just go for the genre that you like most. Could be an autobiography, romance, thriller or just about anything. Nobody is judging you and if someone is, why do you care? I’m sure you do have that one book which you picked up with the urge of reading but never got the time.

                                             

Try out a new recipe-

Needless to say, most of us looovvvveee eating, don’t we? Go to Youtube, search for your favourite recipe, arrange the material required and go ahead. Yeah-yeah, the leading lady of the house might yell at you for all the mess you create in the process but a bite of the divine food you cooked, might just melt down the feigned anger! But what if it doesn’t turn out good? Well, take your chance again; we all learn through trail and error. Didn’t we fall multiple times as infants before we finally learnt to walk? So no harm trying….

                                

Do some introspection-

Yeah right! None of us excel at everything and we don’t even need to. After all, if we become a complete package, what will the rest of the people on this planet do? :-D

Ok, jokes apart, there are still lot of things in us about which we need to do something. There’s always scope for improvement, isn’t it? So every night, keep your phone away, lie down in bed and introspect. Think about where all you need improvement and how will you work towards it. You will think a lot, plan a lot and the execution might not happen instantly, but don’t give up. Target every day with that challenge and sooner or later, you’ll be able to achieve that goal and work upon that flaw of yours.

                                    

Romance Nature-

It’s undeniably the most beautiful thing around us! Best part, it doesn’t accuse you of ogling at it. Look at it in an uninhibited manner and immerse yourself in its loveliness. Look at the trees, how they gracefully sway with the breeze, gaze at the evening sky and admire the brush strokes of various colours, look at the setting sun and watch the horizon gobbling it up, lend an ear to the chirping of the birds, enjoy the night sky studded with millions of stars and try to spot the ‘daag’ in the ‘chaand’. This will relax you instantly.

                                                             

Talk to people you love-

As per me, THIS is the biggest remedy of all times. The power of a simple conversation can never be undermined. Believe me, it works! However big of an introvert we are, all of us have someone, if not quite a number, with whom we can talk our heart out. Gang up with that person and just talk about everything under the sun. If its family good, if not, what are friends for? Pester them incessantly and you’ll feel great! Whatsapp and Instachats are the premium way of keeping in touch during these testing time. I do that, chat about just any random stuff and you have a smile plastered over your face the whole day through. It’s magically therapeutic. Make the best use of technology, chat up over phone. There will definitely be someone, who is ready to lend an ear to whatever you have to say, sensible or senseless, that person will never judge you.

                            

And finally, “One hug a day keeps all problems at bay!” Make sure you’re getting your daily dose of hugs.

So here, I’ve said it. Hope it helps a few.

PS: We love you, no matter how much you score in Boards!

Board results were round the corner. Every student who had appeared for the examination that year, was jittery.

"What if I don't score well?" "What if my percentage is the lowest in the neighbourhood?" "What if I don't live up to the expectations of my parents?" "What if my friends mock me?" These words were ringing aloud in the mind of Prarthna. The apple of her parents eye, born to them after years of wedlock, she had been the center of their world ever since she had entered their lives.

Pampered to the core, she had never had any cloud of doubts about herself but today, for the first time, she was uncertain of herself. 

In those days, the results were not available on the internet. One had to report to school at the given time, when the mark list would be put up on the notice board to be seen by one and all. This was the most dreaded moment as apart from seeing your own result, one could easily check the result of the others. Everyone was under the scanner. The neighbours too would shamelessly ask about your result and you could do nothing but oblige. 

With baited breath, Prarthna looked at the display board. She quickly scanned the list for her name and lo! 75%!!!!!!!! That was unbelievable! The academically bright girl had all her positive hopes shattered. She had studied hard, given her best but could have possibly gone wrong? She knew that mathematical calculations sent her into a tizzy but still she had hoped for better marks. 

The notice board area reverberated with various sounds. Celebratory, joyful, excited, angry, upset, nervous, all emotions mixed together in the air. Prarthna retreated slowly. She could not relate to anything that was happening there. She had disappeared into a world of her own thoughts. Amidst this banter, nobody realized that Prarthna had left.

Absent mindedly she walked along the snaky road which lead up to her home but instead of walking home, her feet veered into another direction, the direction of the cliffs. She couldn’t begin to imagine how her parents would react when they would get to know that their beloved daughter had failed them! Standing at the edge of the cliff, she surveyed the vast expanse of green around her. She wanted to get lost in that green, never again to face her parents.

While she was contemplating this, one little voice told her, “Go home! Your parents are waiting.” As if, breaking from her reverie, Prarthna realized what she was just about to do! She quickly walked back to her home. Her parents were pacing up and down the balcony when she spotted them. They waved cheerily at her. Her faint wry smile in return told them that something was amiss and they knew exactly what had happened.

“Wow! My daughter has got 75%! That’s a distinction percentage. I could just manage a first division in my time,” said her father. “You’ve crossed a milestone in life,” said her mother. “Let’s celebrate!!!!!” Both her parents said together.

This reaction of her parents and what she had been contemplating just a short while ago, sent a chill down her spine! How could she have even thought of taking such a drastic step? How could her parents have handled this? God! She was so insane to have even thought of committing such a gory sin! She was ever so thankful to that voice of reason which had stopped her just in the nick of time.

Is MEDIOCRITY acceptable?

Just before hitting bed last night, my 16-year old, asked me a pertinent question. He wanted to know, what are the things one should aim for in life? Now getting into a discussion with him is quite demanding, so dying to sleep, I tried to avoid the question, but he was too keen, and I eventually had to relent.

In no particular order, I told him:- Happiness, respect and love. Next, he immediately wanted to know the order these things occurred in my priority list. That I knew was the trap; and I very well knew that I was stepping into one because you say one thing, he says another, and then the conversation goes on endlessly.

Well, I told him that all these things for me are inter-related. The answer did not seem to satisfy him, and he again pressed on for the order. So, I told him, respect comes first. “How?” he wanted to know. I told him, if at the end of the day, a person is able to look into the mirror and respect oneself, then it gives that person immense happiness.

He counter questioned, “Even an evil person respects himself, then should one still aim for it?” “An evil person might live under the false impression of justifying his actions, thereby respecting himself, but he is not respected by anyone in the society,” was my reply.

Pat came another question, “Oh! So, are you now suggesting that one should seek validation from others?”

“Of course,” I replied, “We live in a civilized society wherein our actions determine whether we deserve to command respect from others or not. Therefore, notwithstanding the fact that one should be able to respect himself, external validation is also equally important.” He wasn’t quite happy with this statement of mine.

Then after some more discussion, we touched upon happiness and love.

To bring me to this part had been the very objective of starting this conversation in the first place. He knew I valued happiness and love immensely and that’s where he could play around.

Jumping in immediately, he asked, “What defines happiness?”

Wanting to play the mommy role with him, I instantly said, “The joy parents get from seeing their child succeed in life, is happiness for them.”

“Well, why should happiness depend upon success? Why can’t a person just be mediocre in life and still live happily? Is love really dependent upon success? You both (his parents-us) love me immensely and wouldn’t give up on me in life, even if I decide to lead an average life and not aim for the stars, would you?”, he asked.

As usual, I was stumped! This, has been the crux of his long standing battle with me. He always wants to advocate mediocracy and I keep telling him that he has the brains to make it big, so he must aim for it. At an age when children are preparing for various competitive exams, aiming for the best in life; my boy, is contentedly sitting, thinking that all this is just some rat race, of which he doesn’t want to be a part!

Ever since childhood, he’s never demanded anything. He does not care about his clothes, physical appearance, and does not believe in flaunting anything. I remember once, as a 6-year old, he returned from school, visibly upset. On probing, he asked me, “Why do children have to flaunt money? Don’t they understand, they have done nothing yet to have that money? It is their parents’ money, not theirs!” These words coming from a six-year old had baffled me then.

Often even now, his reasoning leaves me awestruck. He wants to know if nature created children with the ability to say, ‘No’, why then should they be expected to follow everything like a cow and not protest at all?

When I tell him that our happiness or sadness depends upon what he does in life, he stares point blank into my face and tells me, it shouldn’t! Life, he says is a zero. Plus or minus is only the way, we look at it. It is just our perspective towards life. A situation does not make us happy or sad. How we get affected by it, is how we choose to be affected by it!

As a person, I get defeated. As a mother, I do not want to admit that. Hypocrisy! I know…..

He wants to lead an austere life. He doesn’t desire the comforts and luxuries his peers do. I pick him up from school in a rickshaw, on a scooty, a Nano or a Mercedes, it does not bother him! He’s happy to wear a torn pair of shoes if he likes the comfort, even though there may be two absolutely new pairs of the best brand lying at home! That’s our boy! Puzzling to us at many times, yet adorable to the core.

As parents, we feel if mediocrity makes him happy, then so be it. But then something starts gnawing at our heart and we feel, that content though he is right now, he should not regret this later. Later, when there will be no turning back. Later, when time would be lost. Later, when it might appear too late for a fresh start……

I don’t know what the future holds for him but all we wish for is his happiness.

As for the question, “Is mediocrity acceptable?"

Well, if it does not lead him astray, then why not!