Age is just a number......IS IT?

Remember the time when we were kids? Every birthday used to be so special. It would be a much awaited event and the countdown would begin months in advance. As a child, I was particularly fond of red colour, so on every birthday, year after year, all I wanted to wear on my special occasion was, a red frilly frock. 

The guest list would be drafted and the invitees would depend upon my mood as to who had been good to me through the year and who'd been mean. The menu, the games and the distribution of sweets in school, it was all much looked forward to and why not? It used to be the most special day. 

That day when people asked me how old I had turned, I would be delighted to announce that I'd turned a year older, my head held high and my entire being swelling with pride on climbing one more number on the age step ladder! 

Things have changed now. Though I'm still proud of my growing age yet the thing that's vanished is the enthusiasm. I don't quite relate to it anymore. Of course, it still makes me happy when friends and family from far and near give me a phone call but yeah, that sheen of childhood is not there. Somehow down the years, we become subdued beings. 

I've totally accepted the fact that I'm growing older and wiser ;-)

At the same time, I have seen a lot many women quite hesitant to reveal their age and I fail to completely understand why! Is it that they don't want to be labelled as OLD, is it that they don't want to appear charmless, or is there some completely hidden reason which I am unable to figure out? 

Few days ago, a show on TV caught my fancy! My son told me about a show wherein, the lead was a 40 year old woman, recently divorced and absolutely broke. She has a daughter who is studying in another country. Since the woman is in dire need of money, she goes on to apply for a job at various places and is turned down because of her advanced age. She has the qualification and the zeal to work yet she fails to procure a job and that's just because she is 40! While sitting in a bar and sulking about this fact, she meets a guy in his twenties who seems to be taken by her charm. When she tries to thwart his advances by telling him that he's way too young for her, he states that he's in his twenties and that she could be just a year or two here and there. 

This statement amuses the woman's friend who overhears the conversation and advises this woman to actually rework a little on her hair and wardrobe and pretend to be 20! She reluctantly agrees and voila! It just works for her. She immediately gets a job and a set of young friends, all in their twenties. Basically, her life takes off and she's able to rediscover herself and be happier as her financial woes are over.

So though I haven't watched the show further to know whether she's able to successfully manage or her cover gets blown, yet the concept of the show made me opine that age perhaps is not just a number. The society completely turns away from older women and in a bid to save their career they might have to be hesitant about mentioning their age. 

Therefore, the next time, I meet someone who doesn't want to reveal her age, maybe I can keep aside the famous saying, 'What's in the age? It's just a number.' Well....IS IT???

Summer Time...Fun Time...Means Grandparents' Time!

It’s that time of the year again when the temperatures are soaring high. Birds, animals and humans alike are moving around to quench their thirst. The fans whirl lazily and seem to throw a gust of hot air. Ice cream vendors, sherbet vendors and gola vendors are enjoying the limelight while all other vendors enviously look on, desperate for some customers to come their way. The sweltering heat gives no respite to anyone. Everyone curses the heat as they go about their daily chores but there are some, who love this time….who wait for this time the whole year round. Any guesses??? Well, you guessed it right! It’s the little ones who get a long respite from school, but there are some others, who too wait for this time and probably even more eagerly than the kids. They are the lovely GRANDPARENTS!

With silver in their hair and gold in their hearts, they wait for this time with baited breath as they get to see their treasures after a long wait of eleven months. Children are the ones whom parents love the most but once the grandkids arrive, those very children who had until then been the apple of their parents’ eyes, take a backseat and the world of the grandparents start revolving around them.

Spending the entire summer vacations with grandparents, well in my case winter vacations (as we never got any holidays during the summer) was a customary in our times. As soon as the holidays would begin, my mom would pack our bags and baggage and off we would go for three months straight! Yes! We had three months of vacation. One month was spent at our paternal grandparents’, the other at our maternal grandparents’ and the remaining one month hopping around at the houses of our uncles and aunts. The memories of those days still bring a flash of smile on my face.

Being able to visit grandparents is a boon. What children need most, are the essential things which the grandparents have in abundance. They give unconditional love, comfort, joy, kindness, understanding, patience, important life lessons and best of all they can be the children’s friend and confidante. Children can uninhibitedly share their life stories with their grandparents. Since they are already out of the stressful phase of parenting, they are more fun to be with. They will listen to all that you have to say, without dismissing you, without being judgemental and without bringing ‘studies’ in every conversation unlike parents :-D

Just like their hearts, their kitchen is always open. They are certainly more talented than their own kids. The delicacies they dish out for their grandkids are remembered even when they are long gone. Even today my friends and me remember, the multiple fold ‘teh’ ka crisp paratha my maternal grandfather used to make and the tasty pickles and papads my grandmother used to pack for us. Now that same role has been taken over by my own mother who ensures to cook things for her beloved grandson. The planning begins months in advance and they start ticking off days on the calendar. I recall one episode when I was travelling home to my parents by Shatabdi and my excited little boy, all of 2, was hopping around the coach, merrily chatting with complete strangers and telling them that his waiting nanimaa had prepared Rajma for him. Simple joys of childhood!

Need I mention the wonderful gifts grandparents carefully preserve for their grandchildren all through the year, neatly and carefully tucked away and produced only when the grandkids are sitting on their lap. The sparkling eyes of the grandparents as they watch their grandkids unwrapping the gifts, and the twinkling eyes of the grandkids when they open their gifts only to discover the things they had longed for at the market while the parents had gently whisked them away!

What about the hand knitted sweaters and dresses that are so lovingly made by them? They still out beat the most expensive pullovers available in the market as they carry the warmth of grandmother’s love.

Amidst today’s busy schedules, it’s getting more and more difficult for kids to spend their vacations in their grandparents’ houses, but one thing can be assured, that if parents send their kids over, children will definitely have the best time of their lives. They will not miss their parents at all as they will be showered with extra love and care.

So, my dear parents. Don’t think much. Instead of just taking your kids to some exotic location this time, pack them away to their grandparents’ house. It will be a double delight – both for your kids and for your parents.

Circus....A dying art!

Not long ago, circus was a major form of entertainment all over the world. For years, Indians enjoyed the circus in its myriad hues. The 1970 movie, Mera Naam Joker, by the famous actor, Raj Kapoor showcases the world of circus. It brings to light the fact that no matter what goes on in the personal life of a performer, the show must go on.

During my recent visit to my parents in Dehradun, I got to know that the iconic Parade Ground was hosting ‘Raymon Circus’. The posters caught my eye, and memories of childhood flashed in my mind, when our parents used to take us to the circus. At that time, circus was considered HUGE! It would be advertised long before it came visiting the town. People would enthusiastically wait for that day, they would excitedly wander around as the circus staff pitched the tents and once the show timings were put up, they would restlessly queue up to buy tickets to watch their favourite acts. Circus was held in much awe at that time.

Fast forward to today’s time. Today there are so many forms of entertainment available for children. The most important being the infamous video games which have taken away the simple joys of childhood from every child’s life. I better not start getting on with it, else I’ll end up writing the entire article about how annoying these gadgets are!

Well, coming back to the topic, as soon as I saw the posters of Raymon Circus, I decided to take my son for a circus show. I felt it was the right age for him to know about this art. Having travelled to various countries at a very young age like most children of today and having watched so many art forms of various countries, I wasn’t certain that he would enjoy this particular thing but I had nothing to loose. So, three generations - my mom, my son and me, set out to enjoy an evening show! The senior most generation had numerous memories, the middle generation had a few of them and the youngest generation had absolutely no clue of what was in store.

As we took our seats, the first item of the show was announced. It was my personal favourite, The Trapeze. Now there’s something quite captivating about the art. The trapeze is a horizontal bar hanging by two ropes and free to swing, used by acrobats in a circus. They hang onto the bars, swing in the air,take some twists and them comfortably grapple onto another suspended trapeze. This act has always enamoured me and I watch it with baited breath. The coordination between the two artists as to when one of them will leave her/his trapeze and as she/he swings in the air, the other artist on the other trapeze, mostly hanging upside down, catches hold of the arms of that artist. It is totally amazing to witness this act! Every time they did this successfully, we cheered and clapped.

The next few items included the rope acts by performers from Uzbekistan, in which the artist would swing around the rope, go up, come down and perform miraculous acts with dignified ease. Another was an act where a performer, enticed the audience by swinging thirty hoops around her waist all at the same time without even a single one falling. Then she twisted her waist, went upside down, picked up the bow and arrow with her toes and in an inverted position, performed archery! This act left every single person in the audience completely spellbound.

Another act included artists from Thailand in which they performed some scary acts by putting not one but five, twenty inches knives inside their mouth. The audience watched with gasps when they made an artist lie on the floor, blindfolded his partner, put a cucumber on the navel of the artist on the floor which his partner was supposed to chop off without of course injuring his partner. The audience had mixed reactions, some shut their eyes, some cheered, some watched in stunned silence. As the artist cut off the cucumber with one brisk stroke, the audience was definitely relieved. They performed more such acts and much to my relief, finished their acts soon.

As the background staff dextrously cleared the stage setting between various acts, the jokers did the filler acts. Looking at the shabby clothes and their sad eyes, as they joked about and people laughed at them, I was instantly transported to the movie, where Raj Kapoor, who was a joker in Gemini Circus, had to make people laugh, no matter how much sadness engulfed his heart.

One more act which left us completely stunned was when a performer drank almost half a bucket of water, topped it up with concentrates of red and green colour and then took out a fountain of first green colour and then of red colour. It was mesmerising to see how he could manage to keep the two colours segregated inside his stomach or wherever he was retaining it , and then shoot out different coloured fountains!

A few more acts of a girl balancing on a rope, and then putting a row of cups and saucers by picking up from one toe, throwing it up in the air and then efficiently placing it on the head without using her hand was certainly wonderful. Since acts by animals have been banned now on account of animal cruelty , there was just one act in which parrots performed some cute synchronised acts.

The show ended after almost two hours of performances. Each act left us speechless. We were dumbfounded by the skills of the artists. As opposed to my expectation, my son thoroughly enjoyed every moment. After every act he stated how staggeringly talented these artists were and how much more recognition they deserved. I felt a quiet satisfaction as I’d made my son witness a stupendous art and he had not failed to recognise and appreciate it. Three generations who had entered the circus tent with different expectations came out with the same emotion. We had unanimously enjoyed THE CIRCUS!

No matter how old I become, I will always need you

It is said that life comes a full circle. We enter this world as tiny frail things, completely dependent on others for our needs. When we grow old, we are in the same condition. Our body becomes frail and we again become dependent upon others.

The recent happenings around me have made me reflect upon this aspect of life. Over the last few months, my friends have been losing their parents at a steady rate and this has left me completely shaken! I have been compelled to think, ‘Are we already this old that we are being deprived of our parents?’ There have been times in the past when my friends have lost their parents to cruel fate but that was untimely and extremely unfortunate. However, when you start confronting this situation on a regular basis, it kind of leaves you jolted.

My dad retired from work three years ago. He has been the epitome of the saying ‘MY DADDY STRONGEST’. A man, who could lift up any amount of weight with comfortable ease, work endlessly and tirelessly yet never complain. He’s been there for us always, ready to comfort us, to save us from the wrath of our mom and to give us a warm hug whenever we needed him. Even today, when he sees me stressed out, he just wants to do anything to ease out my agony.

Wait! Don’t start believing this to be another ‘Father’s Day’ tribute. It’s nothing like that cause the same goes for my mom as well. She definitely is not the strongest woman in the physical sense of the world yet she is extremely strong mentally. Her strong will power, her endurance powers, her congenial attitude and her zest for life, all these certainly make her a force to reckon with.

So, my parents, though poles apart in nature and temperament, make a wonderful couple and set some real relationship goals for us. This post however, is nothing about that.

I’m writing this because I am disturbed to see how life took a turn once my dad turned sixty. A perfectly fit and strong man, who seemed unperturbed with anything happening around him, suddenly got engulfed in a series of physical troubles.

I have been witnessing his woes for three years now. One thing gets over, and another thing starts. It’s almost like a continuous battle wherein my dad has to come to the forefront and one by one combat different enemies. My mom hasn’t been doing well either.

My parents are vegetarians, have simple food- not the oily friend meals, are teetotallers, go for regular walks, stay physically active, get their annual checkups done, aren’t obese, are non diabetic and keep all other parameters in control. This sounds too good for their age, doesn’t it? Ironically, it is not.

Despite maintaining a perfectly healthy lifestyle, they both faced heart issues and had to undergo angioplasty.

Shocking! Itsn’t it? Well it shocked everyone within their close circle as they’ve been a much celebrated couple among their peers. People look up to them but these bouts of illnesses have shaken the faith of everyone around them. As for my sis and me, we find it hard to believe that those same people who have been our strentgh always have become so frail themselves. We know they are ageing, we ourselves are not growing younger but somehow I think, we children become too selfish. We want our parents to be there always around us.

I must give my parents hundred marks for being super brave. Despite being unwell, they never let us feel their pain. Knowing our busy schedules, they try and manage everything on their own. Quite often we are not even aware of the health issues they are facing. Often we as kids, are not able to be there for them when they need us. We feel guilty but they affectionately tell us that we need to be there for our kids and not feel guilty about them.

Their three grandkids totally adore them. Our parents play with them, have fun with them, cook for them and go out for walks with them.

I want these kids to have beautiful memories of their grandparents. I want them to stay fit to continue playing with them. I want them to get rid of the illnesses which keep surrounding them every now and then.

If only we had any control over these things......I WISH.....

As I write this, I say a quiet prayer in my heart.

My anguish as a mother enclosed in a letter.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well, matters very much.”

I am a 35-year-old lady and mother to a 14-year-old boy. Phew!

Sounds tough to me… Why? Because, I’m not just being able to handle it!

Lame, isn’t it? I chose motherhood for myself and seriously, I have no regrets about that. Being a mother to an adorable boy has fulfilled me in every way… The only problem is that I’m not being able to cope with it now. Actually, I sound quite confused to myself when I’m writing this.

On one hand, I’m saying ‘motherhood’ is the most beautiful thing and on the other, I’m citing my inability at handling it. Well, I think ‘motherhood’ is beautiful, but it’s just that I’m not a good mother.

My son is a teenager and you’ve often heard about teenage. Been there, done that! You know how it is… How everyone blames teenage for being the root cause of all problems. Really, is it? You know what I think, there is nothing as ‘bad children’, it’s only our incapability at taking stock of the situation and addressing it properly that makes them appear like that.

My son is a wonderful child, more or less an ideal child. He is a decent kid, doesn’t appear to be having any bad habits, is quite agreeable (when you allow him to play video games to his heart’s content). Then where does the problem lie?

I think the problem lies in me, in not being able to convince him that video games do not form the crux of life! That life is not tied to video games, and there’s much more out there in the world. I’m unable to convince him that studying is his primary job as a kid, and that there aren’t supposed to be any bribes (in the form of video games) for doing your regular work!

My son is an introvert and I’m an extrovert, which sufficiently proves why I fail to understand him at times. While I can gel in with people at the drop of a hat, my son is completely not interested in making friends too soon. Too soon... Why? He’ll take years to make friends if he doesn’t exactly find the type of person who matches his type. Nothing wrong with that I think, but I feel upset about it as I feel that it makes him lonely.

I chose motherhood as my primary job all these years. I didn’t take up any full-time job, so that I could be with him consistently. Even now, I’m a teacher who gets back home before him, so that he doesn’t come back to an empty home. But still, I’m considerably going wrong somewhere. Even though I’m around him all the time, I’m not being able to get things right. THIS really hurts me.

My son loves me like anything. I’m the centre of his world, he tells me that, and I do believe in it. Then what’s bothering me? I don’t really know!

My son is an extremely sharp kid and so, his span of attention is quite less. He easily gets bored of things, but when I see him hooked onto the video game for hours (if you don’t say anything to him), then I get upset.

I believe he can do remarkably well in academics, but he’s not putting the desired effort. Am I over expecting? Am I being a typical mom? Am I pressurizing him? Or, am I just not understanding the situation at all?

Questions and questions, to which, I don’t seem to have any answers. People around me advise me on going easy, my husband tells me to approach the situation sensibly, but I seem to have completely lost it. At times I think who’s the kid? He seems to be quite clear as to what he wants, while I seem to be the cry baby who does nothing but whine!

As of now, I’m in a completely weirdo zone. Nothing I’m doing seems right. My biggest fear… I shouldn’t be a failure as a mom, but right now I feel like one lost mom.

Maika trip is the best!

"Mom....Dad, I've booked my tickets to come home on the 29th of this month." I chirpily told my parents over a video call. I could see the excitement evidently running through the entire conversation that ensued. After a long time I was going to my parents' house for a month long vacation. Sometimes I wouldn't be available during the summer break and sometimes they would be travelling, so it hadn't really worked out.As I hung up the phone, I started thinking of all the things I would do once I reach there. As a responsible and concerned daughter, my thoughts immediately wandered to the kitchen. I started thinking of how I would immediately relieve my mom of the kitchen duties and take over. Then plans of catching up with school friends, eating out at my favourite joints, going for scooty rides on my favourite road of the town, etc took over.

Every day my parents would tell me of the countdown that they had already started as soon as I had informed them. It was charming to see them so happy and enthused. However as the day of my departure started setting in, my heart started sinking. Locking the house and going away for an entire month! ( My husband had gone sailing)

Oh! What would happen when I'm not around? What if a major storm came? What if something required immediate attention which I would not be able to take care of while I am away? So many 'what if's' started floating in my mind.

Nervously albeit happily I left for my hometown on the designated day. As my son and me boarded the train, there was a big smile on my face. I was going home after all. From one home to another, the one I've known as home since childhood. Amidst the breakfast, tea, wafers and the hourly calls my dad would make, to enquire as to where the train had reached, we arrived at our destination. For the first time, dad was not at the station to welcome us with his open arms as he had just undergone angioplasty. Nevertheless we hailed a cab and reached home taking in the familiar sights and sounds as we drove.

The grand and responsible 'taking over kitchen duties' thoughts melted away as soon as I hugged my mom. I knew she would manage everything. ( evil me ;-)) There is nothing as welcoming as coming home to mom-cooked meals and nothing matches the live conversations, even when you have been video chatting frequently. So I was all settled in, comfy and relaxed. I think no matter how grown up we are, we tend to become babies as soon as we come to our parents' house. At least I do :-D

Then started sessions of catching up with friends and cousins, going to favourite food joints, exploring the new places that had popped up in town, watching movies with mom in the tiny neighbourhood multiplex, going for long un-targeted scooty rides, showing my son how we would ride the scooty on neutral on the sloped roads of the town, soaking in the beauty of the place, complaining about how hot it had started getting even here, only to be immediately blown away by a cool spell of rain showers.....jotting down everything is really not possible here. Days seemed to be flying!

And the the other countdown started. This time it was about me going back from this home to that one. Again, the nervousness and sadness started engulfing. The thoughts of going back to work and shouldering all the responsibilities at home weren't very welcoming.

But then again, this is what life is about. When we grow up, we fly out of our parents' nest and build our own. Our parents did this, then we did it and later our kids will do the same.

So, now it's time to once again fly out of my parents' nest and take charge of my own. The stay here has been wonderful. "I'll come back again soon my lovelies," I tell my parents, knowing well enough that it won't really be possible for another one year but signing off on a happy note makes me happy and hopeful.

Nothing matches the pleasure of coming to your parents' home.

Maika trip is simply the best :-)

Aren't the summer holidays over a tad too soon?

"Yay! It's finally May!" My son and me screamed at the dawn of the first day of May. May is special and why shouldn't it be? The much awaited summer break starts in May. That perhaps can be called the happiest month of the year as we prepare for our holiday season. 

Then came June.....an entire month of freedom from waking up in the morning. The best way to celebrate holidays is to snuggle in bed in the mornings when the AC seems to have suddenly become more powerful and you want to pull the quilt and sleep for some more time. You don't need to listen to the irritating music of the alarm which even though you set as the sweetest music available in the world but at that unearthly hour, seems to be the harshest sound your ears have ever heard. You don't have to hit the snooze button and keep taking sneak peeks at the clock to see how many more minutes or say seconds can you still steal. It's the most blissful thing to do. Sleep....without the stress of waking up cause you DO NOT have to send off the kids to school. 

Fast forward to the first day of July. Sadness enveloped the entire household. We felt as if someone was snatching away our beloved from us. Taking the liberty of going to the extremes, this pain can certainly be compared to the pain of a mother when someone forcefully snatches her baby from her bosom. As the school reopening time inched closer, our steps became heavier. The whole world seemed dismal! Hadn't the holidays gotten over a tad too soon? 

First day of school! The boy goes to school expecting no studies on the first day but comes back sulking as to what kind of people do they have in school! So much work done on the very first day!!!

Now life's back on track. The same old routine starts. Life seems monotonous and boring. Then time slowly passes and you get used to this mundane life. Weekend seems to be the best bet and you eagerly wait for the five long days to pass. Longingly we look at the calendar and count the holidays remaining in the year and then become happy to see that the short winter break is just 6 months away. The feeling is like "doobte ko tinkey ka sahaara."

At the end of every summer break, I find myself asking. "Why? Dear God, why? Why do the holidays get over so soon???"

Is it just me or do you all feel the same way too?