Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well, matters very much.”
I am a 35-year-old lady and mother to a 14-year-old boy. Phew!
Sounds tough to me… Why? Because, I’m not just being able to handle it!
Lame, isn’t it? I chose motherhood for myself and seriously, I have no regrets about that. Being a mother to an adorable boy has fulfilled me in every way… The only problem is that I’m not being able to cope with it now. Actually, I sound quite confused to myself when I’m writing this.
On one hand, I’m saying ‘motherhood’ is the most beautiful thing and on the other, I’m citing my inability at handling it. Well, I think ‘motherhood’ is beautiful, but it’s just that I’m not a good mother.
My son is a teenager and you’ve often heard about teenage. Been there, done that! You know how it is… How everyone blames teenage for being the root cause of all problems. Really, is it? You know what I think, there is nothing as ‘bad children’, it’s only our incapability at taking stock of the situation and addressing it properly that makes them appear like that.
My son is a wonderful child, more or less an ideal child. He is a decent kid, doesn’t appear to be having any bad habits, is quite agreeable (when you allow him to play video games to his heart’s content). Then where does the problem lie?
I think the problem lies in me, in not being able to convince him that video games do not form the crux of life! That life is not tied to video games, and there’s much more out there in the world. I’m unable to convince him that studying is his primary job as a kid, and that there aren’t supposed to be any bribes (in the form of video games) for doing your regular work!
My son is an introvert and I’m an extrovert, which sufficiently proves why I fail to understand him at times. While I can gel in with people at the drop of a hat, my son is completely not interested in making friends too soon. Too soon... Why? He’ll take years to make friends if he doesn’t exactly find the type of person who matches his type. Nothing wrong with that I think, but I feel upset about it as I feel that it makes him lonely.
I chose motherhood as my primary job all these years. I didn’t take up any full-time job, so that I could be with him consistently. Even now, I’m a teacher who gets back home before him, so that he doesn’t come back to an empty home. But still, I’m considerably going wrong somewhere. Even though I’m around him all the time, I’m not being able to get things right. THIS really hurts me.
My son loves me like anything. I’m the centre of his world, he tells me that, and I do believe in it. Then what’s bothering me? I don’t really know!
My son is an extremely sharp kid and so, his span of attention is quite less. He easily gets bored of things, but when I see him hooked onto the video game for hours (if you don’t say anything to him), then I get upset.
I believe he can do remarkably well in academics, but he’s not putting the desired effort. Am I over expecting? Am I being a typical mom? Am I pressurizing him? Or, am I just not understanding the situation at all?
Questions and questions, to which, I don’t seem to have any answers. People around me advise me on going easy, my husband tells me to approach the situation sensibly, but I seem to have completely lost it. At times I think who’s the kid? He seems to be quite clear as to what he wants, while I seem to be the cry baby who does nothing but whine!
As of now, I’m in a completely weirdo zone. Nothing I’m doing seems right. My biggest fear… I shouldn’t be a failure as a mom, but right now I feel like one lost mom.
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