Womanhood and Motherhood

 

Womanhood and motherhood have been considered synonymous since times immemorial but what is a standard societal norm should not be always correct, right! Many women these days are not embracing motherhood so does that make them any less of a woman? No, not at all! Challenging stereotypes and evolving through continuous change, is what makes humankind progressive. The only thing that is constant in life is change so why not so for women?

I am a mother to a teen and believe me when I say, I do not mind it at all if my offspring tells me that she/he does not want to procreate. It is of course an individual choice but since I have chosen motherhood for myself, I thought I am competent enough to share some of my learning from this experience! So here it goes:

1.    There is no right or wrong age for becoming a mother –

You can choose to be a mother early on in life or wait till you have achieved what you want in your professional life. The thing about the biological clock ticking should not get to you as there are several ways to become a mother at whatever age one wants, and I do not need to enlist them here.

 

2.    Every woman has a different post-partum experience –

One cannot generalize a woman’s post-partum experience. It is different for each woman and honestly, I actually cannot pinpoint whether I experienced anything during my time. For some it is an extremely tough time, and they battle various physical and mental issues (albeit temporarily), for others, it is not that difficult.

 

3.    No two infants will have the same sleeping pattern-

It is futile to compare and crib about the sleeping pattern of one’s baby with another’s. No two children sleep the same way. Forget about comparing with your friend, even two babies delivered from the same womb can have majorly different sleeping patterns! While one might be an absolutely calm sleeper, the other one might be wailing most of the time and be ever reluctant to sleep. One just needs to adjust around the baby as apart from some home remedies, there is not much that you can do. By the time the babies turns 2, they seem to develop a better sleep pattern and once the child starts schooling then everything seems to fall in place.  

 

 

 

4.    Interaction can do wonders-

If you start talking to your child from the very beginning like a grown up, chances are that your child will start speaking clearly at an early age. Some indulgent parents try to do the ‘baby talk’ with the baby who does not yet know how to speak. In doing so, they unconsciously teach the baby the wrong way to speak. Talk to your baby as much as you can and ensure not to make it sound like baby talk. In fact, one can start talking to an unborn child while the baby is still inside the womb!

 

5.    Make yourself emotionally available-

While the child is growing up, she/he faces a lot many challenges. Some might be insignificant in the eyes of an adult, but they have a deep meaning for that child. Try not to be dismissive, instead, try making yourself emotionally available for your child. Sometime, a seemingly minuscule issue can be humungous if not attended to at the right time.

 

6.    Love your child but do not spoil-

All parents love their children and want to give their children the best of everything but in doing so, one needs to remember that there is a line between loving the child and spoiling the child. The tantrum and misdemeanor that seems adorable in a child will seem extremely inappropriate in an adult. Nobody wants a reckless brat as an adult! Do not laugh off your child’s misbehavior. Be gentle yet firm!

 

7.    Let your child make his subject stream selection-

A difficulty which most parents face during teenage, is deciding what to select for the child. In my opinion, one must present the child with options, backing then with facts and then let the child make her/his own decision. Of course, one can argue that the child is naïve and cannot understand what is good or bad, but I feel, imposing a subject stream is a far worse decision than letting the child choose and err. After all we all have learnt by making mistakes but those that involve others making a decision for us, always leave us resentful!

 

8.    Inculcate a strong value system-

This one is the most important for me. I feel that every other thing in life can be taken care of, but character once molded is difficult to change. It is therefore imperative that we inculcate a strong value system in our children which involves the basic tenets of life – empathy, love, sincerity, generosity, and gratitude to name a few. A child might not be an ace student at academics but will always be successful if he has his basics right.

 

9.    Do not impose your future on to the child-

You brought this child into the world not because the child wanted to come but because you wanted to have a baby, so stop treating the child as an insurance for your old age. The child has her/his own life and you will always be a part of her/his life but do not bind the child to yourself and suffocate the child with dreams and aspirations of your future. Plan your retirement yourself and do not take it for granted that your child will look after you and your needs. Be an asset to your child and never a liability, unless of course forced by some unforeseen circumstances.

 

10.  Never be a reluctant mother -

Finally, the most important thing for the last. Never ever, and I reiterate, never ever, become a reluctant mother. Embrace motherhood only when and if you are prepared for it. Do not succumb to familial and societal pressures and go for motherhood. This is a life changing decision and should not be taken under duress. A happy mother will bring up a happy child, but a reluctant mother will bring up a highly insecure and irritable child.

 

Choose and do what you want in life. If you want to have children at an early age, go ahead. If you want children at a later age, go ahead. If you want to adopt, go ahead. If you do not wish to have children at all, go ahead.

Do not let anyone or anything get to your head. Your life is yours. You are a fulfilled woman nonetheless and nobody can take away that feeling from you. Stick to your guns and enjoy this blissful journey of life!

 

Ruminations by:

Dr. Shivangi Dikshit

To uninhibited laughter and oodles of reminiscing…….

 

#Looking forward

To uninhibited laughter and oodles of reminiscing…….

2020 has finally ended….not a very big deal, every year eventually does, but this was one year which almost ate into everyone’s life and so the world was exultant when it witnessed the dawn of 2021!

Those who know me, are well aware of the fact that I did not have much to complain about this turbulent year. For me, its was filled with total relaxation of the mind, body and soul, unearthing my homemaker side and reconnecting online with some childhood classmates! Here I would like to emphasize on the word ‘classmates’ and not friends, because even though we were together in the same class (a few from different sections) yet we didn’t go beyond a daily ‘Hi!’ or some tiny bits of conversation. It was never like ‘friends’!

So anyhow, three or four years ago I was added to this whatsapp group by one of them whom I was most friendly with in school, among all the other members. It was a tiny close-knit group and I stayed in it quietly, not contributing much to the conversation there. In fact, there was hardly any conversation going on otherwise also. Then came 2019 and we decided to catch up. At least the ones in NCR could catch up and so we ate and laughed, and I caught up on what all had transpired in their lives in the last over 21 years, when I hadn’t met any, but that still meant I couldn’t meet two others who were not in NCR.

Then came the infamous lockdown and herein started our bonding journey. From the very outset of the lock down period, we somehow started chatting and the group slowly became our lifeline. No forwarded messages but still truckloads of messages being exchanged by just the five of us! Keep aside the phone for a while and you would end up missing hundreds of messages. The group became so famous among our family members that they would inquire if they saw us rather free! Coming from the same school and the same beautiful tiny town, we could engage in endless banter, reminiscing and discussing things. Another common binding factor was our undying passion for food. From discussing various state cuisines to dwelling upon authentic Kumaoni recipes and drooling over the food cooked by each one of us, we could go on and on.

We became soul sisters and I bonded with them all in such a way that was unimaginable despite the 11 years I spent with them in school.

We inured to the Covid mayhem but the incantation of the entire period was that there was never a dull moment. We stood with each other through all the upheaval this time caused and managed to bring a smile on each other’s faces.

In 2021, we are looking forward to three big things.

One is the arrival of a new baby, courtesy one of our friends. The baby, we are sure, will be thorough with our names and voices by the time she/he makes a grand entry into this world, and we are certainly, quite proud of that fact!

The other is, getting to taste the savouries of our entrepreneur friend’s startup called ‘Samosa Party’ which has several cloud kitchens in Bangalore and she’s soon venturing into the NCR market as well. Desperately waiting to taste those delectable things we just kept eyeing in pictures throughout the year!

Finally, is our much-awaited reunion back in our hometown. We are so looking forward to gorging onto the authentic momos by the Tibetans, the local chowmein, the chaat, the kaafal, the pahadi food, kainchi dhaam ka prasaad, madir ka peda, candy floss on Mall road, churan from the Flats (endless list) and then going for those lovely long trails in the hills where we can immerse in the quiet surroundings. Evenings would be spent, sitting by the lake and looking at the fish swimming happily in the still water and there is so much to do that whenever we talk of the times when we would be able to get back together, we become delirious, discussing and enlisting!!!!

So here we are, into the first week of the year, looking forward to getting vaccinated as soon as possible, so that we can get a slice of our past in the form of a lovely reunion with friends, sharing uninhibited laughter and oodles of reminiscing in our charming quaint little hill town of Nainital!

A page from - The Diary of an ordinary woman

A page from - The Diary of an ordinary woman

 

 

 

Sitting in front of my computer, I wondered what to write. Shall I write a horror story, a romantic one, an adventure story or something else. Haven’t written for long; ‘writer’s block’ maybe, but isn’t that for the famous authors! For people like me who write on and off it can just be termed as lacking a stimulating enough event, which propels me to pick up my laptop and start typing.

So, what motivated me to write today? The answer is- the  feeling of vacuum when one has not written for long. The inspiration, well…. just life!

The weather recently has been quite unpredictable. From unbearably hot days to cool pleasant ones. My mood too has been ranging from flaring hot anger to being happy and satisfied in my space. I am often advised by people around me that I should start working again, what with all the degrees I have safely stocked in my file and my son having flown from my nest to pursue university education. I have ample time to pursue whatever I want but the question that looms large is what to pursue? 

 

Teaching has always been my first love. Right from the time I finished my grade 10 exams, I started tutoring children, helping my friends with certain academic sections and pestering my cousins at times too. It wasn’t the only thing I loved to do but enjoy I certainly did. With passage of time, I kept screening out other career options and starting preparing myself for a career as an academician. When I taught students of varying ages ranging from grade 1 to students pursuing Masters degree, I felt elated. The sheer joy of interacting with my students gave me a high that could not be paralleled with anything else but as they say, all good things must end, and so did this passion for teaching. A career that had been extremely rewarding in terms of love that I earned from my students, turned into a bitter experience with the ever increasing commercialization of education. 

 

Teaching became increasingly restrictive, and projection became more prominent. The fun of conducting a class outdoors and letting a child’s imagination take wings, got hindered by the countless paperwork to show that things were being done better than the other schools. The constant pressure of multiple exams (so many pre-boards that leave me shuddering), the need to prove to parents that ‘something different’ was being done, countless activities, and then the humungous task of finishing the syllabus in whatever little time was left after the ‘parade’ was over, completely sucked out the joy of teaching. I hung up my boots and did not bother to look back. The only regret, I don’t get to see those overzealous bright faces every morning which brought happiness in my life. 

 

Currently I am enjoying my time as a homemaker. Of course, I am not an amazing one but I’m hanging in there. Whoever thought it was an easy job got it totally wrong. I would say, it is the most difficult one yet the most underrated. Unlike me, a home-maker’s day starts very early and ends after everyone in the house has retired for the day. As for me, I am enjoying a retired life currently. Doing things at my own will and pace. I am free to travel, explore and pursue hobbies that I didn’t have time for earlier (these thoughts make me so excited) but this phase is wonderful yet confusing at the same time. Wonderful because of this newfound freedom from routine and confusing because I start wondering if I am missing on something in life. I suppose we all encounter such moments at some point in life.

Looking for something which gives me joy and purpose yet does not bind me. Any ideas? Difficult eh!

So let us see what comes my way. Until then, I will enjoy life as it is and live every day with immense happiness because ye fursat ke pal har kisee ke naseeb mein nahi hotey, muqaddar wale hote hain wo loag, jinhe yu hee sochne ka mauka milta hai :-D

 

Mirchi ka achaar aur bachpan ki yaad!

 

2020 has been a roller coaster ride for people all over the world. Come the 18^th of December, and I will have completed total nine months in complete lock down! No going out anywhere and not letting anyone come home. No maid, no nothing. Wherein several people made babies during this period, I made loads and loads of delectable dishes :-D Ok, bad joke! Agreed, my sense of humor is not great!

So, one month into the lock down, when I resigned from my job, I thought I’ll pick up something soon. Maybe just part time, but then slowly the idea of being a complete homemaker got the better of me and I started enjoying tiny domestic accomplishments!

Today, I conquered another unexplored territory and that was making those mouth-watering pickles which are an Indian household’s indispensable food accompaniment, and immediately I was transported back to the days of my childhood when we would drool over the assortment of pickles that Maa used to make every season.

Summers meant various varieties of Mango pickles, Aam ka achaar, Heeng ka achaar, and Aam ki meethi chutney achaar. My sis was a lover of Aam ka achaar, so Maa had to ensure pickling at least 10kg of raw mangoes so that the supply could be maintained until the following summer. How can I forget those days, when the raw mangoes would be cut and then left to dry in the sun on flimsy cotton fabric! As, the entire neighbourhood slept in the warm sunny afternoon, we children would sneak upon those drying mangoes and eat up almost half of those tangy delights, much to the horror of the ladies who would realize that they had been deprived of their labour by some wayward children. Of course, we felt bad for them, but who would give up the fun we had pilfering those knick knacks!

Then came winters, my time of the year as Maa made my favourite Laal Mirch ka achaar!!! She also made Gajar, gobhi aur Shalgam mixed pickle and not to forget the succulent Nimbu ka achaar! We would stare greedily at the jars packed with those brightly coloured things inside, dipped in mustard oil, mixed with spices, laid out in rows under the bright winter sun. Our friends would be envious of us, as our Maa made the most varieties and the tastiest pickles according to them. We used to be ecstatic as we had those jars full of ‘Neighbour’s envy, Owner’s pride.’

Being brought up in the hills, we had a certain advantage as our school used to be visible from home. We stayed on the hill right opposite to the hill on which our school was, so Maa could see the students spilling on the school road during chhutti time. As soon as she spotted us from afar, she was light up the burner for rice to be cooked and by the time we got home, changed, and sat at the dining table, we would be served steaming rice, with dal, sabzi and our respective favourite pickles! Its strange how the simplest of meals can be so magical! No one in my memory has had the ability to deliver that taste which has settled on my taste buds over the years.

This magic of mom-made pickles continued even after I got married. I was dependent upon Maa for my regular supply of pickles. I just had to say the word, and the pickles would be made. However, this suffered a setback, when Maa started spending time abroad. Whenever she would be away in winters, I would miss my favourite and this annoyed me immensely.

So, this year, with loads of time in my hand, and a burning desire to replicate my Maa’s pickles, I went ahead and made my favourite Laal Mirch ka achaar and the winter staple, Gajar Gobhi and Shalgam ka achaar.

I don’t know whether I’ll be able to do justice to the taste or not, but I surely savoured every moment of making these pickles and was overjoyed to see Maa’s reaction when I showed them to her over a video call.

Besides teaching me so many other things, 2020 has added this one too to my list!