A page from - The Diary of an ordinary woman

A page from - The Diary of an ordinary woman

 

 

 

Sitting in front of my computer, I wondered what to write. Shall I write a horror story, a romantic one, an adventure story or something else. Haven’t written for long; ‘writer’s block’ maybe, but isn’t that for the famous authors! For people like me who write on and off it can just be termed as lacking a stimulating enough event, which propels me to pick up my laptop and start typing.

So, what motivated me to write today? The answer is- the  feeling of vacuum when one has not written for long. The inspiration, well…. just life!

The weather recently has been quite unpredictable. From unbearably hot days to cool pleasant ones. My mood too has been ranging from flaring hot anger to being happy and satisfied in my space. I am often advised by people around me that I should start working again, what with all the degrees I have safely stocked in my file and my son having flown from my nest to pursue university education. I have ample time to pursue whatever I want but the question that looms large is what to pursue? 

 

Teaching has always been my first love. Right from the time I finished my grade 10 exams, I started tutoring children, helping my friends with certain academic sections and pestering my cousins at times too. It wasn’t the only thing I loved to do but enjoy I certainly did. With passage of time, I kept screening out other career options and starting preparing myself for a career as an academician. When I taught students of varying ages ranging from grade 1 to students pursuing Masters degree, I felt elated. The sheer joy of interacting with my students gave me a high that could not be paralleled with anything else but as they say, all good things must end, and so did this passion for teaching. A career that had been extremely rewarding in terms of love that I earned from my students, turned into a bitter experience with the ever increasing commercialization of education. 

 

Teaching became increasingly restrictive, and projection became more prominent. The fun of conducting a class outdoors and letting a child’s imagination take wings, got hindered by the countless paperwork to show that things were being done better than the other schools. The constant pressure of multiple exams (so many pre-boards that leave me shuddering), the need to prove to parents that ‘something different’ was being done, countless activities, and then the humungous task of finishing the syllabus in whatever little time was left after the ‘parade’ was over, completely sucked out the joy of teaching. I hung up my boots and did not bother to look back. The only regret, I don’t get to see those overzealous bright faces every morning which brought happiness in my life. 

 

Currently I am enjoying my time as a homemaker. Of course, I am not an amazing one but I’m hanging in there. Whoever thought it was an easy job got it totally wrong. I would say, it is the most difficult one yet the most underrated. Unlike me, a home-maker’s day starts very early and ends after everyone in the house has retired for the day. As for me, I am enjoying a retired life currently. Doing things at my own will and pace. I am free to travel, explore and pursue hobbies that I didn’t have time for earlier (these thoughts make me so excited) but this phase is wonderful yet confusing at the same time. Wonderful because of this newfound freedom from routine and confusing because I start wondering if I am missing on something in life. I suppose we all encounter such moments at some point in life.

Looking for something which gives me joy and purpose yet does not bind me. Any ideas? Difficult eh!

So let us see what comes my way. Until then, I will enjoy life as it is and live every day with immense happiness because ye fursat ke pal har kisee ke naseeb mein nahi hotey, muqaddar wale hote hain wo loag, jinhe yu hee sochne ka mauka milta hai :-D